WisHing on a StaRz

offer by SMU

2007-04-30T21:08:00.000-07:00

Status
Bachelor of Science (Information Systems Management)

Congratulations! You have been offered a place at SMU. This is subject to confirmation by SMU to you in the form of an official SMU offer letter.

2007-04-19T20:06:00.000-07:00

sona sona

2007-04-19T20:04:00.000-07:00

love this song :D

2007-04-16T03:12:00.000-07:00

Look at this face I know the years are showing
Look at this life I still don't know where it's going
I don't know much but I know I love you

And that may be all I need to know
Look at these eyes they've never see what matter
Look at these dreams so big and so better
I don't know much but I know I love you
And that may be all I need to know

So many questions still left unanswered
So much, I've never broken through
And when I feel you near me
Sometimes I see so clearly
The only truth I've ever known is me and you
Look at this man so blessed with inspiration
Look at this soul still searching for salvation

I don't know much but I know I love you
And that maybe all I need to know
I don't know much but I know I love you
And that may be all I need to know
I don't know much but I know I love you
And that may be all I need to know.

i dont know much, but i know i love you

2007-04-15T23:45:00.000-07:00

i dont know much, but i know i love you. that will be all i need to know.
Its been 5 days that his aint here. I got to say, absence indeed makes the heart grow fonder.
i miss him so much.i'll prolly not let him off my sight the moment he comes back. And that is it. No more holiday trip and i mean it. And if jaanu darling is reading this.i am sorry, but i mean it no more holiday trip without me. Its been close to 4 months that i have been idling at home, with 3 adhoc jobs. I seriously need to get a full-time job till my fate of university acceptance or rejection letters enter my letter-box. Besides that, i sincerely hope our new maid that arrives, comes with good attitude and she better learn to stick her ass at my place. I mean we are such lovable employers. Agreed sometimes, we are kinda loud. But loud in a lively sense.
While writing this entry, he called. he is sick. damn, he had fever, vomitting. damn i seriously hope he gets well soon.

update

2007-04-13T08:23:00.000-07:00

for once. for once after soo long, i feel basically contented with my life. its not that everything is going the way i want it too. sunita life can never the straight and direct way, but nevertheless i feel good. i have evolved. for the better or worse. that is not something for me to decide. the past few months were rocky for me. i mean there was a huge misunderstanding between the close one and me. My careless weird instinct that made me put a wrong foot into a myraid of problems that unfolded. The problems were there, but eventually the problem itself chose to give me a break. thank GOD that happened.
now i fine. holding 3 jobs. all of which are student related. Proud to be working for a wonderful student organisation called Spiritmakers. You guys are great. :D soo far i have had 5 projects with them and it has gone pretty well. Admire Coach Edmund for his great student interaction skills. The way he commands the class. First class excellence. His wit and his iniquistive nature working with children, i got to say is something that i hope to strive towards.
Definitely looking forward to work more with Spiritmakers.
Besides that, i am filling in as a relief teacher at Kranji Primary School. Totally great experience i have got to say. It is alrite besides the morning rush to the school as they call u at 7.00am and ask you to be there by 7.25am,everything else is great. I am considering the fact that i might want to become a primary school teacher. Still weighing the odds though. I mean, the satisifaction i get, walking into the class and interacting with the children is just surplusly rewarding. My encounter with one of the primary six em3 class made me wanna be a teacher and make a difference. 3/4 of the students in the class have already given up the hope of wanting to achieve well in their studies.
They were very active students and when i asked them whether was there ever a time, when a teacher came into class and never shouted at them. Their answers were NO. They were constantly scolded and they kinda had the mindset that they will never be able to achieve high. I made them do something during my few hours as their relief teacher. i hope whatever i made them do(a secret), i hope the reflect it and reach their goals.
I want to reach out these kind of student. No one is born a loser or an under-achiever.
Maybe it is easier for me to understand how they feel because i was or maybe i am going through something like them.

I really hope i get a place in the university i applied for. but looking at the odds of it. I dont think i stand a chance. But no worries, if this university application acceptance fail. i aint going to give up. i know what i want and i will achieve it.

Btw my the other half is off to india for holidays. damn i am feeling freaking lonely. i have never been soo far away from him before.well at least its a good training i guess for NS :D

Dont seek for something that you want badly.
Stop seeking and eventually you will get it.

SilentWhisper

2007-01-06T07:31:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall
You say it best.. when you say nothing at all
All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd (the crowd)

Try as they may they can never define
What's been said between your heart and mine
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall
You say it best.. when you say nothing at all
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall

You say it best.. when you say nothing at all X2
(You say it best when you say nothing at allYou say it best when you say
nothing at all..)
The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Let's me know that you need me..
I yearn to see the smile on ur face. i yearn to see you through your heart. my heart has already been ripped open.there is nothing much i can do about mine. maine tumse hayt kerti hu.

2006-11-27T20:08:00.000-08:00

time.
waste.
me.
for.
you.

i hate me

2006-11-18T23:08:00.000-08:00

i hate
myself for loving you tOO much.
i hate
myself for wanting too much.
you, i
know hate me for caring too much.
you, i
know dont care abt me wen you got ur frends all that much
i have
to see how much i can tolerate,
i have
to see how much you can ignore.
maybe
its just me being too loving,
maybe
its just u that takes love wen needed
and
shove it awayz wen u gotten enough.

2006-11-04T21:59:00.000-08:00

movie till dawn,

promises that fall,

waiting at nite,for that one very call.

wenever it comes,you say i m overboard.

but neber did u realise

its close to 24 hrs without talk.

maybe its me,

who is fresh to all

maybe its you,

who tink i m constantly there

well watever it is.

i love u all so much

sunita back in action)sounds lame) but.... shut up and read la

2006-10-05T08:48:00.000-07:00

welcome back. gee that sounds lame.. anyways its sweet to see nice tags from frends..schools started and yeah its FUN... spelled F-U-N.. welcome back whacky sessions, welcome back wonderful lectures, pracs and tutorials. beyond this line, someone mite just pause and say.. how much more can this writer praise school.

hahaz thats besides the point. i seriously missed school. okie thats enuf emphasis i guess.

Next..dear debating has started too. and guess what my ever soo close to my teeth braces are making my life easier in my pronouncation. I CANT ARTICULATE WORDS clearly if i speak too fast. and in debates u need to speak relatively at a faster pace once in a while. its make a whole world of difference without those braces.. and i dun think its near completion..the doctor bluff me.. sobs sobs..

Anywayz lifes been cool soo far..nicey lovey romance.. :) (up to ya to interpret) and i think i gotten somewhat right on track..but then i feel something is still amiss, and i think i can put on my finger on it.. its just that i dunnoe how to go abt to fully achieving it..

arghz...got to make use of the brain cells again :O..

Purest of pain...

2006-09-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I didn't mean to call but I couldn't fight itI guess I was weak and couldn't even hide itand so I surrender just to hear your voiceI know how many times I said I'm gonna to live with out youand maybe someone else is standing there beside youbut there's something baby that you need to knowthat deep inside me I feel like I'm dyingI have to see you it's all that I'm asking.Vida, give me back my fantasiesthe courage that I need to livethe air that I breathecarino mio, my world becomes so emptymy day's are so cold and lonelyand each night I tastethe purest of pain.I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every daythat it didn't hurt me when you walked awaybut to tell you the truth I can't find my wayand deep inside me I feel like I'm dyingI have to see you it's all that I'm asking.Vida, give me back...

love this song..hahaz well it does carry some meaning..thank you for the past three days :P

weee

2006-08-29T03:10:00.000-07:00

Holidays
wee 2 more days and its the holiday for me. trust me the past 5 mths was the most torturous months of my life..before you go..ya rite most torturous.theresgot to be things that have been way worse. let me remind you. humans cant remember pain for long. they tend to forget it as time goes by. thats the reason why a lady doesnt mind getting pregnant many times even though labour hurts. ppl dun mind getting tattoos more than once..even though it screams the living hell out of you. and lastly ppl love one time after another. even though heart break hurts. well a few mths down the road i mite forget this bitter painful experience. but for now..yupz..anywayz i cant wait for the holidays. there are soo many things that i wanna do. i wanna learn. first i wanna build a website.i wanna take henna art classes. i wanna get a new labtop. i wanna go get a new haircut. i wanna go for a swim.

2006-06-30T02:05:00.000-07:00

i feel as though i am like an extra abnormal species. i feel so out of place. maybe its because of my personality or maybe it just that some people just dont click.Its coming to the 11 week of my attachement and yet i feel a stranger to the place. i feel i don't fit in. i feel inferior. every single step i do i feel pressured.can it be forgiven because its the first time or its it a no excuse situation? i doubt my capabilities.i am no longer confident of myself. i am turning an introvert. or questioning again was i one to begin with. maybe i mistoke myself or was being mistaken that i was a loud person. i am changing; thats for a fact. a blessing or a curse. slightly more patient i have evolved.but whats the cause of it. is it because i m generally more patient or is it because i careless of the situation around me? why am i such a dumb ass? argh... enough of this stupidity.hahaz well i guess thats how life is? can i once be gd in something? why do i give the impression to people that i am dumb? hmmz i m not dumb.can one be absolutely dumb? i dunnoe whats happening, i hope i can grow and not be trap in this introvent cocoon. change sunita change..ps: thanks to piggy fer all the love and care.:)

stoopid

2006-04-09T23:15:00.001-07:00

feeling jealous for something that wasnt mine to begin with. i have gotta learn to stop it all. Its not mine, will neber be mine and neber was mine in the first place. i sincerely feel that i was kinda very stoopid individual to do what i did.next time i gotta learn to be not soo helpful and nice anymore coz its not all worth it sunita.. nevertheless its all over and part of me can proudly say i m over it. claps for me. gOd indeed has many ways manifested to show me things that i need to see in order to realise the pain of eternity. as i read words of the passage i being to realise ur evil doing and my stoopid following. that sounded wrong la..but i m just to lazy.

anywayz someone has been touching places of my heart that i m afraid to reveal.. not knowing what to do, i choose to keep low and try to conceal. maybe it mite work, maybe it mite be. but till then its had to reveal.

places of my heart u touched to feel

places of my heart u played to reel

places of my heart _____________

................................................................

i am actually lost for words to continue the poem, if the words do come to mind, i will feel them in.meanwhile i just got lotsa going on in me that i guess enuf blogging fer today.:)

stoopid

2006-04-09T23:15:00.000-07:00

places of my heart u touched to feel

places of my heart u played to reel

places of my heart _____________

................................................................

i am actually lost for words to continue the poem, if the words do come to mind, i will feel them in.meanwhile i just got lotsa going on in me that i guess enuf blogging fer today.:)

h.k.v.d.e

2006-04-07T20:24:00.000-07:00

finally blogger page appeared right on my IE. wonder what was bugging it. anywayz i have been going through alot lately, alot as in mentally. I have been thrown into an emotional turmoil that i have to take very cautious step to ensure what i do is ultimately what i really seek.haven been in touch with the love angel for long time, and start to feel abit out of place without it.well i guess thats just need getting used to. besides that. some unforseen circumstances occurred at debates. Let me make it short and sweet. U DUN respect me, too bad neither will I. sometimes ppl are soo caught up into their own super ego that they chose to happily or infact stupidly if i would put it, to realise that they aint the only souls roaming on earth. i have much tocomment about that but i think its not worth to feel up my blog space with someone else idiotic actions.besides all that.my heart is kinda jumpy right now. its afaird to admit to feelings of one sort. wonder why, images of the prematured past often time shine infront of me.. guess theres got to be a reason all these is happening. i will have to see to it. Oh ya.i really want the degree in psychology all so badly. trust me, i caught oprah on tv today, and today's show was abt psychology. boy did it make me feel so wanna pursue it all the more. aint gonna go into the details.i guess that's all for now. ohya. i hope some ppl learn to cooperate on certain issues.

wOahz

2006-04-03T22:48:00.000-07:00

hmmz i am damn bored and was reading this filmfare magazine and my eyes caught this picture..for those who know me very well, u noe why i picked this photo out. for those that dont might think that i took it because maybe the guy looks hot or muscular. hahaz well thats not the case. it reason is because of his goatee. actually i m a craze lover over goatee and kinda get gaga wen i see damn nice goatees..hahaz anyways...this guy here got the one of the nicest goatee i have ever seen. its is soo neat and WOAHZ!! get it...wOahz..gosh, soo woahz..hmmz look at how it curves and
ahh. its just simply woahz la. i cant praise it anymore, if not people mite think i m an obsolute crazy freak. hahaz just a tiny wish though...my guy whoever he will be, if only he had this kinda goatee. i will go gaga manz :S

get lost

2006-04-03T10:04:00.000-07:00

ARGH SCREAMS
when will it all stop. when will it all go awayz. common i am sick and tired of longing and missing and giving a fucking shit abt the matters of the heart. heard it. I M SICK and TIREd. hayoh how cld i be soo freaking naive, so freaking demure. SOOO stoopid.hell manz. till today i long for you and wen i read certain stuff my blood just can't resist but start to boil. why did it all have to happen. why cant i just be a normal human with minimal satisfaction??? when will i learn to put a stop to it!!!!!!!!! hello is that toooo much to ask for?? hello hello? why is it that i alwayz have to endure hurt soo badly wen its already known i cant handle hurt all too gd. people often say i put up a rather gd mask to mask it all up...but ladies and gentleman i am tired. i need to be free from all this. wtf la...absence make the heart grow fonder. love can take its shit effect and pack itself up and throw itself to some far awayz island far awayz from me.I mean it. i cant imagine i tolerated it soo long. i am soo dumb manz. hahaz wat the hell la. Hey mR i miss you sooo much..but i guess thats just me.. stoopidly missing...haiz...i cant believe that i have such ill-fate with love. haiz...haiz...haiz... hmmz well this is all i can do i guess. COMPLAIN and COMPLAIN..hahaz life. nice life.wonderful life. aaaaarrrgggh
i m sure people reading this mite think i m one bloody ass that complains herself off. i m sorry manz.
take my shoe fer a dae or two, u will understand why then :)

wonder if theres any potion or wat-so-ever that wen u drink it, it completely erases every emotions u have and start afresh?? hmmz well me looking fer anything of that sort. if u have any..pls recommend me some people. i neeeeeedddd it badly.

ARGH SCREAMS

_

2006-04-02T08:39:00.000-07:00

SOmetimes its worth falling sick i think. Because when you are sick, u kinda forget all the other pain , sorrows and regrets that you have deep inside you coz u are simply too weak and worried about ya health. hahaz thats what i feel. wen i was sick for the past 2 or 3 weeks. i pushed my emotions and feelings aside coz i was freaking out at the cough i was having and now that the cough is all better. things that i managed to push awayz start rushing in again. why is it alwayz the case?

lately my mind's has been running through events of the past, i wonder to myself how could i resist soo much of embrassement and tolerate soo much of pain and sorrow? hahaz maybe thats just the speciality in me. but one things for SURe now. it aint gonna happen again. no matter how much i love another being, i am gonna see what are the pros n cons first b4 i really devote myself to him. hahaz this time is love fer the love in sunita and not fer the need in sunita.eeks i think i am toking crap here. but hell la.

anywayz i shall be back. just got up from sleep :S

K.A.D.C

2006-04-01T22:48:00.000-08:00

Damn looking at things of the past sure does hurt a hell lot. I cant believe i WAS SOO naive manz. I cant believe i was soo Blinded by something i never really know the meaning of to date. LOVE. why do i complain soo much, i wonder. maybe because i see my life being not soo simple compared to many others around me. but then again its wrong to compare and yet it inevitably human nature. Okie lets see hows my life been soo far..

I have been sick with this wonderful cough for close to 3 weeks. gee what nice way to enjoy my holidays. well i guess the stress of school made me this sick. Latest update on my heart. It feels for no one or at least it chooses not to feel anymore.Yesh i cant lie that i dont long for eeerMz, but its just that i am just gonna leave it to time,place and yadda yadda yadda to take its own course. hahaz how ironic, a gal who has constantly been in love after love taking a break for once.The feelings great but each time i take a look and wonder what happened to the previous love, i cant stop but wish when will the right one come, when will i be loved for me and not as anything else, not as a need.i tot i found my angel, but hahaz angel have wings and i guess it decided to make use of them. anywayz no point crying over spilt milk aye? hahaz just waiting for the time, when the 12 roses,one bear and a kiss will come knocking on my door for real. fantasy fantasy something i am greatly famous off.

besides the pathetic matters of the heart which can never be what i seek. i have a whole lotta of other stuff thats going on. I got the internship at ACCENTURE.note its accenture. had a talk with my liason officer and he kinda freaked me and senthil out. Guess what.. working hrs fer most of the time. 9am to 9pm. after 9pm.20 bucks fer taxi fare home. oh gosh. i am afaird, so very afaird that i might not be able to take it. but then again,i went through lotsa hardship b4, hope i can pull thru this. Hahaz my liason office warned us to buck up on our programming IF nOT we are DEAD.wooHOoo WooHoo programming the LoVE of my life.*grins in despair* guess i can never run awayz from it.

Next stop: i got selected in the australs team for debates. IE i will be flying off to new zealand in the month of july for ard 10 days. Gonna get trash, but hope can have some wins. Kinda scared though.well with my ever going to be hectic schedule i am wondering how am i going to squeeze in time for debate practices.How oh How.

besides that, i am taking up Amaths O'lEvel. nope i havent taken it b4.taking it for the sake of wanting to pursue degree in psy. hmmz amaths being a pre-requist. soo far, amaths going fine. hope i can score a distinction. Sunita sunita why do u alwayz have to set high standards for urself? **puzzled** well thats me i guess..

other than that, i hope my cough silences itself ASAP.and i hope prince charming mite enter my life again.hahaz well thats one thing that mite never happen,but doesnt hurt to wish ritez.

anywayz i got to snooze of to bed now, b4 my dad comes in and scolds me for being miss heroine and not rest wen i am sick..

well i m off..see ya soon..

siCks

2006-03-29T16:26:00.000-08:00

WoooHoo i m back and guess what people i am sOO damn sick. i have been having this cough close to 2 weeks and i am indeed still living with it. Trust me this is the worst i have felt in many years. I cant catch a wink of sleep at night coz each time i lie down straight i end up coughing my lungs out, so i sit and sleep and gee i hate that manz. On top of it, i cant have the fan switched on cause it will just make things worst. So da scenario is : sitting and trying to sleep.coughing head off and sweating very much like a pig :( gee nice aye?

well thats that. i really hope to get well soon coz i have lotsa stuff dangling and really have to step things up. Recently my friend has kinda make me start to wonder again.hahaz on whether shld i remain single OR.. i dunnoe manz. am i ready for all this. maybe i never was from the start. gee maybe i m a GranNY aye? i complain aLot huh...well find it kinda cute. where can u find an extremely cute and petite and lonely granny. oh gosh i cant believe i m praising myself.well thats beside the point. yup shld i even dare to fall in love again. Not gonna lie, but i do have feelings for someone not entirely love coz i dunnoe wat does love really mean but ya... unfortunately its not the right time and i dun wanna lose the friendship with the person. soo i guess i have to surpress it.. I am a cross road.hahaz din noe battling this kinda feelings were so hard to deal with. wonder how some people do it? wanna learn from the experts..anyone out there know the best way to deal with this? hmmz i guess i shall do what i have recently started mastering; that is ignore every possible stuff that makes me feel bad :S woOhoo...watta life..

u noe wat.. how i wished i had arms to fall into and to know that there is someone to whisper in my ear to tell me that everythings gonna be fine. i am feeling soo sick and that adds on to me feeling soo shitty too. hayah. guess i will never stop yacking ritez? hahaz sorry bLoggie :) but its nice pouring all out. wahaha

soO very Afaird

2006-03-27T23:34:00.000-08:00

i m indeed very afaird.afaird of something that i used to consider one that was close to my heart. And now i am soo afaird of it. Maybe i have been "blessed" to see the worst of it so much so i start to believe that any replica of it will equate to the worst form of it.
i honestly swear that i aint sure whats going on. Whatever thats gonna happen, i really hope it will not lead me to be in the losing end again. thats one thing i have to ensure. coz boy i m sure pist and tired at the outcome that has been brought onto me for the past 2 years. maybe it was just me, being utterly naive; but then again i dun think any amount of naiveness can lead to the amount of exruciating pain i went thru battling the matters of the most vital organ in a human.

i said and promised myself that i will never venture into that arena again, but my promise i guess as failed me again this time round. i dont know whats soo strong in it that no matter how one being tries to avoid it, it will slowly being able to manipulate itself into ones life and make it seem that it aint that bad after all. as for now, all i can say is. time will tell. damn i seriously hate that phrase to the max. it sounds soo pathetic that all u can do is leave it to time. but as pathetic as it seems, that seems like the best sought alternative i have. i dun have a choice dun i?

till then, praying hard i will get well soon tOO..
till then NItez..

i lovehatez u

2006-03-24T17:12:00.000-08:00

oh gosh.i didnt expected the feelings to come back once again. i thought,well i really did thought that i could erase it all. But guess what, a song that played on the radio, brought everything back to life again. my dil goes mmm. indeed my dil is going mmm now. as i sit down n think abt what i did in the past, steps i took, actions that i played i realise i was actually very naive so to say. i often ask myself, why did i ever did what i did. why was i soo selfish, why was i the way i was?maybe the saying is true. you never really learn till you make a mistake? hahaz very true aye?

now my heart aches and as the melody of that song we loved plays in my head i wonder why did it all go awayz. was it a wrong move or is it the reason just solely the reason stated. call it being innocent, call it being obsolutely naive, but why cant i really let go of everything. why do i still yearn for u, wen u are miles apart, wen i m not even in ur agenda. well life as its own mysteries, guess i m in it now. few years down the road, if i were to ever read this blog again, i mite look and say, how naive and innocent i was, or maybe i would be proud that i ever felt this way. there is so much i have inside that i wanna let you know.but like what every normal person mite say back at me. what if he doesnt feel that way, what if he doesnt care one bit. you know what people, i dun actually give a damn, coz whats happening to me, is an effect of what two people did once. well but just like everyone else,my lips have to remain sealed and pray hard that actions will speak louder than words.

L.i.E

2006-03-21T09:15:00.000-08:00

the biggest lie in the whole world is the phrase "i LOve U". all might be thinking why this little blogger soo shallow in her definitition and thoughts abt love. well cause thats all i have seen about love so far. now let me explain why this phrase is to be classified as the biggest LIE in the world.

Firstly how many people out there do say "I love U" and really mean it from nothing at all. Nothing behind those 3 words... no forms of hidden agenda no what-so-ever need to be achieved from it?

Don't you realise that the "i Love you" people are doing some kinda experiment.Somewhat like a cause/effect idea. Say I love you, and waIT.... SEe if you hear it back! Likened to a dog's response.."I love u,tOO...something almost ensured..

Love: the idea of love itself has entirely been mistaken. Like everything else on this earth has evolved and changed; so has LOve in its course too. Take a look at what lOve means; 99% in today's context. Stop and ponder> Who are those people that say I LOve you to You? are they the ones that need yoU? need you for an agenda. You may very well see what the need is almost instantly or maybe u will only be able to see it years down the road... And then you might start to question, why are those who are aware that they are loved coz of that need still remain in that "love". Simple answer: thats just human reaction, human basic satisfication. being constantly in love. Well i not denying the fact that maybe from this need that arouses, true love can be inevitable formed. BUt its just why does one have to base on that need to spark of love?

People have been constantly using the phrase almost too often that even in break-ups u get to hear it. Damn how much pathetic can we get?

Give u a classic scenario: i dont think we can be together anymore. i dun think we shld remain as Bf and Gf. Blah Blah Blah...fill in urself(guess everyones out there has heard of this typical dialogue somewhere or another) and guess what. At the end of the conversation. He/She will throw out the magic card. TaDa,, "But i love you still. and dun u ever forget that". Its being used so much so that its somehow being manipulated to become the solution to make someone feel better? --> oh he/she still loves me; fLoats up to cloud No 9 and forgets that he/she just got dump. Humans Humans.

i may seem Hilter to lOve. But dont get me wrong. i am not saying true love aint existence nor am i saying that all forms of love is fake and everyone falls in love with a hidden agenda. its just how i feel and tot i cld pen it down. maybe love's made me this way. maybe love mite be the one that will change me in future. no one noes.

rattles

2006-03-19T22:36:00.000-08:00

i really find that my life holds nothing great seemingly. yesh i do, do well in schOOl.BUT the catch is, i can only do well with ALOT of hardwork. nothing seems to come my way with great ease. i m not complaning that i hate doing hardwork or putting in much effort, its just that sometimes i feel, i too need a break. on top of all that i feel that i aint really much supported by anyone ard me. i start to realise some people are close to me not cause they care but cause i am of a great benefit to them?
not only that my love life sucks.i think i having been missing this gundu, till i dont have the energy to miss anymore. slowly i feel that i can no longer hold on to the rope,coz its slipping awayz.hahaz sunita finally realising the fact that nothings fer real. i think tis time round my heart as finally learnt its lesson. that no one is willing enuf to keep it well. soo dun bother trying to even let anyone do so ever again. now i wish that everything can be erased awayz. i have no one that understands wat i truly feel, i guess this blog is the only on that willing to container my emotions and thoughts, unfortunately just like life is forever unfair, this container can never response back. i need someone that care. i need frends that i true. i need me to be able to not be naive and go thru another misplaced heart. i need all these yet, these will all never ever be with me. i m so lost. and confused. i need a break. i need for once to be cared for real and not fer anything else.

wen will i be like anyone else. react the NORmaL way to certain situations. feel the way everyone else feels wen things happen. why am i different? and is this difference making things hard for me. i dunnoe. i seriously dunnoe. i have just bruised myself literally and the scars are all so bad. hmmz wonder why did i ever had to inflict pain on myself to rid of anger? hmmz now wat? no skirt fer the time being i guess. how lame manz.
this holiday isnt as great as i expected it to be. all my frends are on ITP. hmmz majority of them i too bz to spent time with me. soo i just simply slack at home attempting amaths question. kinda in a fix now. Desperately need amaths fer my uni but the person thats helping me can only help me till april. and i dun reallie have a back up.gee. i am in deep shit as i have alwayz been in.

currently in need for a carer.if there is even such a word. i just need some genuine care. cOz i m utterly sick fer caring fer others and not being given sub-minimal care of any sort back? why is my life this way? well maybe i made it such.

i noe some people that read my entry, mite think i wine to much. i m like an old hag.hahaz sorry but i just cant help it. i have no one to spurt all these nonsense to,so here's the best avenue i cld find. so leave with it and bear with me. not happy and find that its utter rubbish and crap and that i m over creating a dramatic sadist life approach then DUn bother reading :)

yesh yesh i noe, there are lotsa people out there with greater problems. Yup that i dun deny, infact i salute them fer being able to solve their problems. As for me, these problems are already pressing enuf, but sometimes i wonder. are these problems really problems to being with. well i shall ponder and ponder. and on top of it worry tOO..coz someone hasnt switched on his phone. wonder what happened. since last nite. well lets just wait and c.

Oh ya. i miss u alot. but i come to realise that maybe there nothing left at all. i will carry on caring but i guess maybe this is wat its all meant to be.hahaz since wen was life ever fair to me. well just hOpe and wish that the next time round, i wont be thrown into the basket labelled "unlucky" wen love angel strikes again. just a tiny little wish. hahaz but then again.WhO ever listens to all these wishes? hahaz Life...not blaming you.but just applauding at the wonders of it.

:)

BingO

2006-03-19T00:25:00.000-08:00

Congratulations.BinGo..indeed your life has lOtsa spice in it.Bravo and Look how far you have made it.

wat the hell does my life think it is manz. a game that's full of villian, full of pain,full of sorrow. NO sweet endings not beginings, i cant even be spared for a sweet middle ground in the game. its all hatred, pain,sorrow and watever gotta do will evil n gore. today my hp got confisicated. REASON being. i wasnt a very gd daughter. gee, the way i got punished was i was some kinda bad gal. well respect my parents for wanting to disclipine me, so i shall not complain.

BUT me getting angry in the crse of it, and me having the habit of inflicting pain wen anger surge up to my brain as landed me two thighs FULL of scratches and SCAR!!

vanish

2006-03-19T00:12:00.000-08:00

this i got to have an entry about. today the first time in ancient history of sunita's love agenda that i m feeling care-less abt the situation that i m feeling now. guess wat i dun give a damn whats gonna to happen. if it happens WOoHOo i m going be a normal gal. if it doesnt than thats just me, with sub minimal human satisifaction i guess. i CaNt believe that i have lost the craving to crave. i lost the will to care just for now. maybe a light mite shine on me to enlight me to start again. its not that i lost everything or chose to throw everything awayz, its just that i need a break. JUSt like ........................

gD news..well it mite sound rather lame, but i managed to solve many of the maths sums.hehez damn happy yet angered at myself on how careless i can get. gee imagine i went to ask him the reason why i cldnt solve..hahaz and then he spot the stoopid careless mistake..how dumb wld i look ritez..anywayz gonna work hard on maths..i wanna get the crse degree in psy..please oh please i soo wanna get into that crse...hehez sounding extrememly pagal.yesh because.. i dunnoe why i m like that..why is sunita soo crazy?? hmmz still pondering..anywayz i think i shoo of to bed now. no buzzing fer today. soo yupz..nitey nitez and see ya pretty soon :)

l.o.v.e

2006-03-17T17:32:00.000-08:00

i cant believe i m blogging again. well coz maybe i am just utterly bored. gee. the weather is sOo wonderful aint it. the hot sun blazing itself. DAMN its HOT...i hate this weather. but then watta do..thats life. u cant necessary have wat u want.well as sweat trickles down my back i shall post another entry.

anywayz lets move on to today's entry.going to touch on the same old crapz. love. i dunnoe. the word is soo short.. a 4 letter word.hmmz okie that mite have set ur mind thinking abt the word fucK.but i was referring to love.
i have got lotsa questions abt that simple 4 letter word.
1) ITS just 4 letters LONG..but the excrucating pain and exhilarating happiness it gives us is much more far fetched.why.
2) why do we have to fall in love? why cant we just have a pre-set mate given to us. no longer have the need to hook in gals and guys? simple n easy and no heart breaks
3) why do our heart long,wen the other half part? come to think abt it. we lived without them utterly fine b4 they came into out lives?why?
4) why am i soo ill-chanced in love? why do i yearn fer him so much and yet all i can do is yearn?
5) why did i get cheated and blinded by love the first time i went into it ?
6) why cant we humans be brave enuf to show how we feel directly and not keep on thinking abt the ill-effects if emotions were shown out right?
7) why do ppl have a change of heart?why do ppl cheat.
8) and why is someone loves,he/she loves with all their heart even if the love aint returned?
9) why and how can ppl fake relationships?
10) and lastly why aint my love life simple. why can i just be OUT or IN love and NOT in between in??

10 questions posted.anyone care to answer? well as fer qnd no 6.let me be brave enuf. I miss u hell lot. hmmz i want u. but u just simply aint ready. i noe inside of me, u mite maybe neber come back. but ur eyes i seek, u smile i steal and u i shall keep in my heart till time tells me to kick? hmmz whoever u are,u noe who i mean. i doubt u even read my blog. but i m daring enuf to post it up.

anywayz the sweats getting to me.i will be back

jiya dhadak

2006-03-16T09:13:00.000-08:00

you know have ironic it is. i have a extremely large mouth and huge circle of friends. but guess wat i dun have any one friend in particular that truly understaNds how i feel. and that really sucks. on top of which my cliche of friends that i often hang around with are all guys. i have limited gal friends. yeah i mean it LIMITED..hmmz sounds soo much like limited edition, but thats besides the point. i think i can count with less that a hand to show how many girl friends i have. thats sad aint it. somewat yeah. but its not that i cant make friends with girls or have a problem doing so. its just that i find that girls and i have a whole lot of completely different mindset.

Scenario : MAJORITY OF Girls on a fieldtrip
Girls walking and stumble upon a mud patch: immediate reaction... EWWWWWwww lets get out of here. i aint walking thru this. my shoes will get dirty. my pants mite get dirty. eww eww eww. classic reaction.
Scenario : MAJORITY of GirLS out shopping
walking down the street. ouch its soOo hot..the sun is too hot..it will burn my sick. i mite get darker. oh god oh god. i gonna die of cancer. (abit drama mama here)

but thats just basically wat i mean. fer me..i dun care if i got to walk in the sun. i just do.sun is nature and its part of us. just walk. der. mud patch scenario.. i think i will happily sink into it. firstly its fun,secondly its just a mud patch.it doesnt bite nor kill. soo thats my mentality. aint gonna boost of say that i m like a guy or wat. i do have female instincts in me. but its just i aint that petty.

besides me having alot of guy friends. i am having alot of stOOpid unwanted problems. I m soo much in the state of just letting go of ALL. i mean it. i cant take it anymore.Wtf la. hmmz i love and dun get love. fish fish.how long more? hello hello.. angels of love. i want my angel back. u get it??!! this is damn irritating u noe. dun u have any other souls to pick upon besides me?? i M TIRED. get it TIRED..its either i m in love OR out. i dun want to be in between.UNDERSTOOD? hmmz sorrie i m being abit to harsh here.but seriously la.tiring u noe. and not forgetting heart-aching. i yearn fer u. i want u..but then i dunoe wat u seek? not forgetting anything else. he forgot.how sad manz..anywayz i gtg now. my minds bugging me soo much... i feel sick. i m sick

jiya dhadak

2006-03-12T22:14:00.000-08:00

bored.boredom.tired.slpy.crazy.
am i feeling al this at once.
gd news first.. i got silver in the english oratory competition.gee i never even though i would get anything out of it. but managed to bag the silver award. damn elated.

secondly bad stuff.He apparently forgot certain stuff. damn sad.but thats life.

thirdly my heart is still giving me mixed reactions.why oh why. was walking down the esplanade in the wee hrs of today morning. with my parents that is. now reallie wondering when it be wen i m walking down the esplanade with him?

sunita sunita sunita. how much stubborn can u get? how much resistance can u be? how much oblivion can u get? hmmz this questions still linger me.

i think i shall stop here.my heads too cramp to let me continue. till then still missing,

2006-03-08T19:48:00.000-08:00

free hours, free time equates to a mind running free. i cant put a stop to my ever ready running mind for now. remember that i shut my entire emotions and feelings during my examz? now guess what, they are slowly making their sweet way out. okie i got to agree that my life aint pathetic as it b4 but heck its still aint peaceful as i want it to be.

no doubt i aint bothered much by anything, but i just hope the missing feeling doesnt get to hard on me. i dun mind the feeling but sometimes,it makes me burst into tears when words of promise start ringing in my head. or running thru my head.

guess i have gotta live wif it ritez? hmmz who ever u are thats making me having this missing feelings. wishing hard, it all comes back. well thats just well wishing aint it. LIKE AS THOUGH anything, anyone, or any species will listen and grant my wish. my oh my.

hmmz okie i m getting dead bored now..gonna mamam and see wat i can do laterz. :)

2006-03-07T02:12:00.000-08:00

just watched the movie Just like heaven. rented the DVD. and boy the movie sure was like heaven. well maybe because i often have the soft spot for romantic movie. Aint gonna blabber on what the movie is about but just got a little tiny wish. aint gonna write the wish down, coz soo far whatever wishes i have pen down never seem to come through at all. soo just keeping my fingers cross on this one. :)

i dunnoe how many times i m going to say this. but i seriously feel fucked up. i feel incomplete.no no aint toking abt the other half incomplete. its just that i find myself soo not me. soo not right. i find myself being a machine. following a bloody routine that was somewhat being programmed into me and just feeling the way i m programmed too. how ironic

weak.$$.Love

2006-03-06T09:05:00.000-08:00

as per usual, i am supposed to be doing something else way important but i came to realise blogging was way more easier alternative that didnt kill brain cells all that much. let me see what interesting facts in my life have changed for the moment? *scratches head..

well i guessed i have become more weaker than before. maybe because the sole fact that my body kinda tuned itself off in the light of holidays, but seriously i need to get out of the sleeping spells and weak self of mine. it draining me off alot of stuff, like i need to cuddle up in bed by like 10 plus. and thats considered way earlier than my usual bed time wen i was having schOOl.maybe just maybe my body needs time to recuperate?

besides my body feeling weak, my little fragile heart. no wait do i still have a full heart? okie okie. now my little fragile somewhat whole heart is playing little irritating tricks on me. yesh it is. u noe it turned on the miss-o-meter to the max. hahaz how convienient of it taking steps without asking my permission. like the word suggest.. miss-o-meter. wat can u expect ritez. self explainatory. haiz, like everyone would love to say it. what the hell are u doing sunita? but then thats my life and my heart people.i am gonna love and miss till...eerrm... till...thats all fer me to know!

being blogged down by the environment fund competition. i cant take it. i need a rest. i need a break. OH YA... guess wat. i m officially declared BROKE fer this holidays. guess wat i only have 30 bucks. aint lying to survive thru it. damn i dunnoe wats going on. that mean... NO MOVIES,NO OUTINGS, NO NOTHING!!...gosh that sounds sick!

grieving

2006-03-03T22:47:00.000-08:00

today.3 mar. the end of my semestral examz. the end of my second year in poly. imagine that. two years of my life spent in poly. the amount of sweat i sweat out. the amount of hours i spent dwelling and rushing on projects. the times i cracked up in school. and the time i spent with my dear frends val,hasyer,senthil and all. sure thing that time passes damn fast. Its the holidays now. finally i can dig out moments n bits and pieces of my life that came to standstill due to examz.Oh god.dealing with them will be a hassel dun u think? fixing a broken heart. fixing a bulging stomach.fixing a flawed face ful of pimples and marks and not forgetting doing things that i alwayz wanted to do. I am going to make this holiday one that is resourceful and one that will recuperate myself to a fully mobile sunita once again. one that is no longer in pain or in sorrow. gee sounds like some kinda stupid motto.nevertheless it makes sense for me.

as i m typing here, i feel a surge of longness.theres something that i long for, and yet i noe i mite neber be able to get it forever or maybe i mite someday. why does the human soul miss, why does it long. what is the need to miss and long? we came down on earth as one lone soul, then why do we start to develop feelings and start missing another? is that what we were destined to do? to love and miss? to love and cry? and eventually to love and love? something i shall wait for time to teach me? like how it has been doing to me? well time will definitely tell ahz. meantime i shall just try to chill.be frendly and live life as much as i can enjoy it to be..

hmmz besides that i have lotsa stuff on my hands now. FIrstly i soo desperately wanna get a TAN!!i dunnoe why, suddenly i find that getting tan seems cOolz. i want a nice tan though i have no idea on how to go about getting it : sadz.. besides that i gotta train fer debates hard. i want to go for australs. coz i wanna get A for my cca and on top of it increase my experience. next i have this environmental competition going on. gee and we had one free rider but he got kicked off the wagon. soo that equates to us having more freaking work to do. COmmon i just ended my examz. i have been studying 3 weeks straight like an ass and now i got to prep fer this competition.: tired!

well looking forward to 16 march. a trip too see my favourite. to see mickey mouse and the entire disney family..woOhoo, gonna be a child again.. no wait, i have alwayz been a child:bLurz... just keeping my fingers cross that the person i am suppose to be going with still goes with me.. yupz.

anywayz this is all that i have fer now. feeling damn tired. and just wanna go n cuddle into a bOOk. gee thats a first fer a lOng period of time. and maybe juz snooze awayz dreaming about u.dreaming abt me.

till then bUaiz

not a girl, not yet a woman

2006-02-24T22:22:00.000-08:00

hmmz today, was the sickess day i ever had in sch. I am damn embrassed manz. I practically lost my face in the entire t16 thanks to a wonderful person. damn. i cldnt believe he did what he did. Well u dun expect me to just shut if someone were to fiddle with my 95$ bag and a bag full of sentiments ritez. he literally took out all the contents of my bag and mishandled them. Bad sia.felt soo hurt. and wat was the reason. coz i played a fooled when giving the chocolate. that was cOOl manz. common la. dun be bad to me. see what i have done for u. which gal will be like that after all that has happened? hmmz guess no one will see this at all. no one. hahaz true la.. i m not a gal, not yet a woman. still in between. all need is time a moment that tells it all. sad manz.

waiting soo badly for my examz to end.i need to get myself back on track. life never ever goes ur way. learn to weave thru it?

thanks fer all the embrassement that u gave, hope u got what u wanted. hmmz and dun ever touch that bag, ever again. lOve it to bits. and will still be doing soo. till a reason stops me :)

stay

2006-02-23T03:27:00.000-08:00

i am feeling super sad and all out of focus today. My head's behaving as though its going to burst or better still explode into pieces. I have been studying soo hard aiming for the A's. reallie hope i can get thru this examz without getting a mental breakdown.

Alwayz just came to blog abt my ever soo wonderful life. i think if anyone would come across my blog and read it persistantly, he/she mite just wonder why is my life that full of surprises. hehez maybe fer once surprises shld start taking a quieter toll and the back seat fer this time.

today had my first paper.it was gd. hehez.
besides that. i saw someone today. and surprisely it just didnt excite me at all. I came to terms that he aint anyone i know at all, why the hell shld i bother. hmmz he has his own life and me my own too.why i m soo adamant in wanting to be frends with him.maybe the cute smile? the goatie? well if i do get him as a frend, that will be nice. well maybe things are juz meant to be the way they are now?

Besides that. i dunnoe why my dear heart chooses to make a comotion now, or maybe start to feel now.told ya.delayed action. i extremely miss him now.( gee if u are reading this, i m sorry for writing wat i feel out). i want him back.why i aint sure. i think he is my angel. well some people reading this mite think i m one ass. wanting him back when i wasnt that close to him. well somethings things aint need to be near to be felt. i dunnoe, theres just that something in him, that makes me feel happy n gd. hmmz he made me feel happy,besides certain period of time. i knew i had someone that care and bLah n bLah.but now Poofed all gone..

now i m soo drained out.wishing hard that someone was there to give me support. to give me a tap on the back and say "u can do it" n "i m rite here by urside". tough luCkz.Maybe its just aint the right time for everything. but then i start to question, if it aint the rite them, why do i crave and seek fer it? shldnt i be least bothered, if it reallie wasnt the rite time. why does my heart, emotions, and feelings sway towards that direction?? tell me someone?
maybe i m destined to be hurt a million before i can surface to the top?

whats wif me? i have nothing, yet lose everything that i get>> i have no assets, no lady-likeness,no nothing. no wonder i aint worth anything.no ones going to stay. till i change. but wat fer i change? i aint a murderer. i am juz a gal that aint the normal gal u see. i m just a little more braver, a little less feminine and a very big mouth. but overall damn caring and dun hurt at all. gee maybe thats not the rite combo to have, but i aint changing. Love me fer who i m, not whu u want me to be. hmmz gana left, tigger left, he left. why? no one gonna tell me the truth? to date, no one understands me, no one will...

:) :(

crazy?

2006-02-19T00:28:00.000-08:00

maybe its not the right time in ur case. maybe its this.maybe its that. i dunnoe wats going on. I hate love and hate the thought that i ever loved.i dunnoe why ppl can easily whack u on the face and tell u that u aint ready fer all this. i dun understand why do ppl fall in love at the first place. the emotional satification, the emotional completeness, the desire to have another half. the flare to go around telling people that they are attached? what the real meaning? what is love? its is just the chemical reaction that two human beings of the opposite sex have. the creation of GOD to have a sense of attraction to the opposite sex, to mate and to carry on the breed? is that what it is? i dunnoe..

to me, my love life is a piece of shit. gee people think that i m some kinda gal that is attached but hell no i m not. i dunnoe la..hmmz wat ppl see me manz. my first love, turned a cheat.. then the other went awayz back to where he came from and the last one that i tot was mine forever juz walked all over me>> for the reason i still seek. unfortunately or fortunately its him that i still seek, its him i still need and its him i still wanna be with. ironic. and wen i tell this to my frends, or frend, they seem utterly shock. hmmz seriously i wonder where are those frends that truly understand u from within? cant u guys see i m wearing a bLOody mask and its not something good to begin with. hmmz guys help me out of it manz. but nope..no one cares. common sunita, u are living in a world where to each is it own. no one will care. soo fish out of the state u are and move on. gee see how easy it was to type it out. imagine the amt of pain it will take to exercise it out. hmmz i reallie dunnoe wat do. the one i seek never cares a single bit, aint coming back to me. not even anywhere close to me. gee i m jinx. WELL maybe its not the rite time.BLOODy hell if its not the rite time then why have i fallen 3 times. my impatient act i guess.FISH la..well fingers will still point at me. i m alwayz the bad one. well to someone i m mS meany now. hahaz but how u expect me to be all sugary wen its happened again.hello i too have something called emotions and feelings. dun tell me u remain unaffected wen pain and sorrow is inflicted on u?? ppl change. most often fer the worse.. but i just cant help it, i m becoming less sweet. i m sorry.. but well thats just me. i dunnoe what to do. i m in the mask and will remain in it. no one is kind enuf to help me lift it up or maybe no one bothers. hahaz as fer love. it will remain a question unsolved to me. i have alwayz been the one providing emotionals support to everyone, and still do. BUt where is mine?? i await fer u??

wen will my turn come fer that nice beach stroll? the sweet nothings? the roses? the flowers? the chocolates and the unconditional love?? ITS NOT THE RIGHT TIME AS easy as u can say it. but wen will it be true. the true one i seek and not anyone that wats to play. I M TIRED. GET IT. I AM TIRED. TIRED TO THE MAX...

now i wanna make frends. alots of guys frends..but ppl think i m doing soo to have flings n blah. precisely NO one understands me.
well that all i have now. if got any stoopid mistakes be it grammer or spelling..sorry i m JUZ TO lazy to check again

again

2006-02-18T14:36:00.000-08:00

I can blog now coz i finally have time. i think its just for today. I am sick. down with a bad flu. I think the sleepless night and the late nights doing assignments has made me sick. hope i get well soon enuf coz examz is just next week :(

i m missing him dearly. OUch...damn it really hurt. Though the mask is working well, sometimes to the extend even i myself cant look through it, there are moments that the mask needs its break. wHy oh why did he do what he did. i had it all planned. or set out and "BoOmed" he dropped a BoOm.the question that lingers in me- why start it at first. why say that i was too precious to lose and then walk awayz? fer the best of urself? gee why did u think it thru at the first place aye? i dunnoe la. i think i have been immuned to this kinda case that to me its normal. Normal but yet pain staking. each time the dagger sinking through me deeper n deeper :(
i thought u were different. i tot u meant it all. i tot u will stay forever. i loved u. i liked u. i need u. but guess it back to square one. nothing i do is going to change reality. sad but true.

as fer now, i m damn scared to ever fall in love again. this is serious. i m damn scared. i think even if the right one like everyone seems to be saying comes i mite just not let him in. sorry manz. i think i aint having a heart anymore that can be broken by another one.

as for him. i stay long for u. i still miss u. i still like u. thats for sure. though i dunnoe how u feel towards me but sometimes ur actions can tell,i still ponder why u are reacting this way now.

going to have my examz soon and gonna get all A's and B's. nothing else. or maybe distinctions yup. lost my motivator but aint going lose my motivation that easily..hahaz how ironic, he doesnt even noe that he was my motivator and the reason i am performing considerably well this semester. hehez
ok i think i shall go n take a nap to ease my bad flu. till then. i shall be missing n loving. :(

2006-02-13T06:37:00.000-08:00

What am i to say?
What am i to do?
All that is said,
was said by you
Holding on tight,
i no longer can do
But just to see you walk away
something i can neber do...

So dont walk away,
or turn your back,
dont look at me
with ur eyes soo black
coz ____ u saying goodBye
is something i can neber get back?

2006-01-28T01:03:00.000-08:00

I dont noe why i feel a sudden surge of happiness in my life now.I aint bragging or what.. But it seems complete.. Complete in the terms that i aint faking to myself or i aint putting up a smile or what.. i am happy, i seriously am. Starting to believe the phrase, behind a woman's happiness lies a man, behind every man's happiness lies a woman? hahaz... Not contesting on the fact that anyone needs a man or woman to be happy but...sometimes its juz the case aye?

My life seems sorted out.. I know where i m heading to and what i gonna achieve in the long run. Damn the feeling is so satisfying having a total non disaster life fer once. Well i juz feel happy and aint really sure how to the pen it down. But thanks fer all u have done...

hmmmz

2006-01-17T06:26:00.000-08:00

damn i m suppose to be doing my writing fer publication essay and here i m blogging..heck manz..somehow or rather i find it more enlighting to write about my life than doing assignment. tsk tsk. thats bad aint it. well well, i havent been blogging fer long.. and thats not coz i m utterly bored wif my life, but its juz that i aint into the blogging mood lately. well i m here now. reallie hope i will make a complete entry today..hmmz let me see. where shall i begin

i m going gugu gaga. gee i reallie wished i was a baby all together again.wee a baby. Note lets compare the difference a baby and a young adult. well there are cons of being a baby but then the pros over prevails them. let me start listing
1) u can cry wen u are hurt, hungry, wet and guess wat..theres ALWAYZ tlc round the corner. i m serious here.. wail abit and u see the young adult souls surrounding u and easing ur pain. But but if u are young adult..u cry the society looks at ya and nods and say...u are learning well child :( damn thats out right true but a little tlc wont kill ritez?

2) u can bite and beat when in frustrated.no adverse effect.no revenge.
try easing ur frustration as an adult...u will definitely get whacked back. either literally or verbally..both of which is utterly painful.

3) all u have to say is gugu gaga and guess what everyone god-likely is able to get wat u mean
try gugu-gagaing now?hmmz even wen u speak ENGLISh... sometimes ppl mite mistaken u or simply juz not understand u at all.

4) u get to drink milk b4 bedtime and turn in early.. now u drink assignment and drain brain juice and u slp well EARLy.. that is early in the wee hrs of the morning..

now now..i have juz listed one of the many best highlight of being a baby again..hehez well juz fantasy..lovehatez= fantasy... juz like someone love telling me...

basically i m in a rather obvilion state. i noe where i m heading but aint reallie at ease at where my emotions are heading. theres not reallie a big big problem its juz me i guess. have been missing eerm.. as days pass by i m missing alot more..damn..no its not affecting my studies but then once in a while i feel this surge and long surge of longness. why? whats happening. each nite i stare,stare at the one thing that mite be the cure to my longness...and shall continue staring. is there something wrong or maybe there isnt. time will tell..

gee, well will be helping out in spinnovex..woOhoo...superman keeps on yacking that i m not doing it fer a noble and honest cause...and said i was bad.YEAH i m bad..i m doing it fer another reason..so wat. thats fer a honest n noble cause aint it..hehez..well maybe i wont be that lucky enuf or maybe i am to catch glimpse or errm..*coughS* i reallie hope ms or mr fate will help me out here..woHHoo u guys listening..quit ur holidaying and give this gal a helping hand manz.

besides that lets see..in love wif the song by sugar babes..push da button..damn sweet and nice..hehez okie okie..i think i m being blogging enuf fer tonite..back to my brain draining life.. muahaha hahahaha..MISS YOU...DAMN it..MISS U!! take care alrite..and i shall be back wif more tales or my borIng yet interesting life

2006-01-16T09:37:00.000-08:00

i need you; when will you come to me?
i see you; when will you look back at me?
i miss you; when will you start missing me?
i love you; will you ever stop loving me?
plz dun stop, coz if u do i will _____________________

damn still cant think of anything to fill it up..will be back to fill in the blanks

2006-01-14T05:44:00.000-08:00

Finally i have decided to blOg manz...

weLL theres Lotsa crapz yet fun stuff happening in my life :)

first thing first... finally my waist is 24 inches...wOoHoO...24...24!! okie okie i m going crazy...

besides that...let me see.. feeling damn happy yet very tired..having lotsa problem at working place manz.. arghz....kena picked on like nobody business :(

2006-01-10T04:02:00.000-08:00

obvilion to a point where i aint sure where am i really heading.
am not sure if this route is gonna get me to where i wanna be at.
maybe its juz they way the route is path by someone

bkehaz

2006-01-08T00:51:00.000-08:00

i miss you.

anGel

2006-01-05T23:28:00.000-08:00

Every now and then i fall apart. hahaz this the first time i m crying in 2006....
Nothing i can do, a total eclipse of the heart.
Its hard to believe wats happening to me. i myself am in a semi confused, superly blurred out state.. really wish i can juz get my tiny little fingers on the prOblem. if there is one that is.

i m juz gonna pen down everything here...no one seems to reallie understand and get what i m reallie feeling inside or how this tiny small little mind is running. gOsh i wished he tried to understand or at least tried to open up. okie..this is solely my side of feelings, basically pouring based on what this not even wHole heart is feeling and the mind is speaking.

I am NOT asking u to constantly be there fer me. i noe u cant. u need to accomplish other stuff.I FULLY UNderstand.NOPE i will neber have any second tots. I neber did!!! but juz tell me..why wen u see me, wen i say hi. u dun do anything? hmmz are u shY? if u are, i understand..but i m kinda shy toO....but then comes the sms.nowades u hardly reply back..unless its abt ur prJ...not even a good nite reply frm u. wenever i msged u a gd nite sms, i wil wait all nite. i mean it all nite to see if u do reply back. if i fall aslp, i will catch a wink at my handPhone ever hr. juz to see...did my angel reply me back...I AINT asking fer the fancy gd nite sms.
a simply. gd nite.
gd nite and juz that will do.u dun have to spell good out. hmmz.am i a burden to u? i reallie wanna learn abt u. i wanna be wif u. i noe u are my angel. but angel ur guardian is waiting fer ya.
i hope our date on the 4th of feb is still on.i reallie wanna learn abt ya on that day.open up to me my angel.i need u to do sO..i need to learn.we need to chat on the pHone oready

-PoemS-

2005-12-24T17:40:00.000-08:00

ANother one of the poems i wrote...wrote this b4 taking a nap..
mite not be that nice..but i m learning.

Theres nothing much i can do
But to sit ard missing you
Sleepness Nights i m going thru
Feeling afraid of lOsing you
Holding on tight,i ought to do
Coz leaving you i shall neber do
but waiting fer the time wen we say
"I do"
So plz those sweet eyes that i m refering to,
plz look at me and say "I do"??

poems

2005-12-22T16:44:00.000-08:00

something i wrote while thinking abt .......

the sweetest dream that's happening to me
is those sweet eyes looking at me
Little did i know we are meant to be
But loving you,loving me is all i need
Slowly,softly i wait for you
Patiently I care for you
Your eyes, your smile are mine to be
In time to come, we'll shall see :)

okie okie...a little deviation frm doing flash...i will be back wen i have more :P

Poems

2005-12-09T00:47:00.000-08:00

i read this off the net...Phew tis sounds soo sweet and cute..somewhat true i guess.
hehez...enjoy ya read..

Oh beautiful boy, I'm lost in your eyes
But I'm not quite yours which I despise
Look at me now and give me a smile
Your smile keeps me going, at least a mile
Please give me a chance and we will see
Whether or not, we’re meant to be.

woohoo....so much soo fer the poem...

lets dwell into me fer a while..Lets see me going crazy ever since when i aint sure..

soo much of stuff happening in my dear small puny life..
Let me see.. argh i dunnoe la..wanna noe abt my life pay me a visit :P

Till then i will be back..

Oh ya angel me waiting fer ya.

2005-11-27T10:56:00.000-08:00

dim sunita3 as new sunita

gee...i completely feel soo revitalized manz.not that i have changed or anything.its juz that i have came out from the shell of sadness. i can breathe fer once.i didn't know what was really keeping me close in. i can laugh without a mask to assist me to hide my inner feelings. i feel a new me...same old brand new me..see how much that contradicts itself..

sweet...hehez..okie only me know why i m laughing at da word sweet..anywayz been pondering on this one thing..its been a rather controversial thing revolving my life now and cant stop to think what is the true form of it...

angel--> how can one define the term angel of mine?
how can one be sure who it is?
is it someone that meets a hidden unspoken set of prerequistes or is it juz the instantenous moment of heart beats wen u see the person...okie...well like der u muz like the personality or the person and stuff...but HOw and how do u noe this is the right one.some ppl say its too early,some say its juz right..i think its okie to start pondering on this aspect of life..hmmz fer me,i wanna settle down at the age of 24...hmmz sounds kinda young...but fer me by that time..i shld have a special someone..k..its okie that we are not marriage under the eyes of law..but then he is mine AND i m his...hahaz turn his head towards another gal and he's dooMed..okie that sounded bad..

been playing ard wif my inner feelings..reallie wanna let it all out..but scared on the impending worse of it...i seriously m puzzled...hmmz wat shld i do? wat if those are juz mere sayings and not relations wif meaning...maybe i m juz thinking too much..but then again u cant blame me fer letting my small sweet mind run...its those words that qns me the true message behind it ;) well like everyone's fav phrase goes...time will tell.

BUT let me ask...watif in due time..no one tells...coz everyone caught up in the realm that being discreet is the best and being upfront mite be too bad on oneself?? nah maybe i shld start being frank...common wat is there to lose...frends?the right to live? hmmz maybe being frank mite spank u hard on the face..but smile at it coz u were frank???

gee i m soo happy!! dun ask me why...coz i m still searching the source of my happiness...or maybe i do know...well only God and me share this little secret...

2005-11-12T19:24:00.000-08:00

i m sitting alone at hm now.i m hurt.i m in pain.my head hurts.my heads spinning.i try to make things simple.they look simple.they aint simple.i m lost.i m regretfull.i m angered.i want me.i want you.

come to a stage in life where some things juz aint in the control of my mind and hands.i juz dont know what to do.where to head to.whereever i were to head too mite hurt me no less no more.soo i juz decided to stay concealed to one place.i dun what to play games.i dun wanna freak.i juz want it over.GOD...can i juz have a simple life? its like i do no mistake to others.or rather i think soo..but why is my life getting complicated.why cant it be just like a simple gal's life
*sch
*frends
*family
*abit of caSh
*work
*movies
*outings
*a guy
*booKs

all of which no problems rising frm them.simple.easy.juz 1,2,3. no need formulaes.no calculation.

heads spinning....wOOhOO...i have turned into another sUnita.....wahahahkaka...okie okie..i m nutsy nuts Now...will be bAck...WOOOAHAHGHA

hatez

2005-11-09T20:47:00.000-08:00

what the hell manz.i feel like a bloddy asshole..i feel soo fucked up.i feel sooo not me.till to the point i nit pick on everything i see and everything that irritates me.to the point that i injured a friend.argh i feel soo argh. i m sooo sorry wat the hell manz.how can i do this.how can i become like that manz?i m soo sorry. i m not myself.sorrie sorrie.argh i cant take it anymore. i wanna run awayz.take me awayz someone.i had enuf of pain.no calls.no sms.i guess thats really it la.forever. i dunnoe how my times i console myself.i m sick of it.its gone n gone forever.no point wanting it back.it neber stay.i m alwayz used for temp.soo i gotta learn to become permanent.i m self inflicting pain so self ease the pain i m feeling.enUf enUf....I WANt it away.\I miss you.U dun.U dun care.i cant see and take it anymore.wherever u are.i hope u are pleased n happy.hope u take care...and ya.cyaz.

me!!

2005-11-08T06:50:00.000-08:00

hmmz been enjoying myself alot in sch..soo shoiCk...lauGh alOt...woahz..
anywayz celebrated tigger's birthdae...fun
feeling better now..but still abit sore.
but i guess its fine..
yearn abit but...

anywayz tigger u take care.i cant bear to see u like that. anytime,anywhere u need a listening ear i will be there.

mY siCk LifE

2005-11-07T10:38:00.000-08:00

deleting msg aint a prob fer me..hahaz words that flowed out.woahz..was i not a significant "thing" that it was such a simple task fer ya to do.
been hooked on the angel of mine song.going gaga over it.surprisely it was a song i tot fitted my ex but nope.it fits you.but then again.lovehatez jinx so ya.wat can u expect ritez?

yesh deep inside i need to show.i look at u looking at me.

often times i tot i aint strong..but not boastfully i think i m..wonderful.but still heart-aching.noone noes how it feels inside.coz i dun reallie tell anyone.its been super hard to listen to certain songs.well maybe MY MISTAKE.i became too attached,unattached.
see it boils down to the point that its MY MISTAKE again.lovehatez wen r u gonna learn ur mistake?

my teeth is teething.and its killing me.hahaz no one knows how much pain i have frm there.adding on to my existing pain manz.

why?why?why? why cant i love a guy that will stay n not go awayz.maybe i juz gd enuf fer temp? sad ritez.

haiz...angel of mine??where r u??

ps.it seriously sucks being heart broken.i really hate the bloody feeling.dunnoe how ppl can juz drop n go.that aint me..haiz ;(

woaHz

2005-11-05T23:53:00.000-08:00

all the more reasons i shld juz shut up..
Fuck Off...
argh.God why make me feel like that??
WHAT WRONG DID I DO TO DESERVE ALL THIS??

Well life...fuCk off life..i hate you.

missing you,not missing me

2005-11-05T23:16:00.000-08:00

an illusion it was that u were loving me.
a delusion it was thinking you were loving me.
missing you,not missing me
loving you, not loving me.
wanting you,not wanting me.
feeling you,not feeling me.
hurting me,not hurting you.
seeking you,not seeking me.
teasing you,not teasing me.
leaving me,not leaving you.
wanting YOU,not wanting me.
thinking of you,not thinking of me.
kissing you,not kissing me.
watever it is holding you is wat i can neber do.coz holding me is wat u will never do.

hoping that u will alwayz happy forever is hoping you,hoping me.

missing you.forever me.

hehez...inspired by my feelings..will be back wif more...

2005-11-02T23:46:00.000-08:00

Wise men say, only fools rush in.
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin?
I can't help falling in love with you
As the river flows gently to the sea
Darling so we go, some things were meant to be
Take my hand take my whole heart too'
Cause i can't help falling in love with you
As the river flows gently to the sea
Darling so we go, some things were meant to be
Take my hand take my whole heart too'
Cause i can't help falling in love with you...

hahaz found a song that speaks my heart partially..
hmmz i feeling extremely happy on one hand and extremely sad on the other.
what is happening to me? wats gonna happen.wat shld i do.shld i stop it.i dun want too. i dun noe wats the hand thinking or feeling.i need to know.yet fear the truth as it mite juz shatter.but i need to know.tell me.
hmmz saw my ex frendster page.everything i see his page..makes me feel i was reallie an asshole and bloddy toy to him manz
wen will someone bother to care fer me like the way i need it.i know hes out there.only that will he want too.scared.i feel sad.jealous.curious.anxious.

answers i seek and as lessons taught me answers are neber given.but juz this once.i need it.i noe i may sound self centered..BUt heck this is my blog.my feelings. in life i have to supress watever i soo wanna say or do..wen cant i pour here.

i need you

do u need me too?

hmmz lame
anywayz will be back

*loveLy dovey**

2005-10-30T13:30:00.000-08:00

"The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind...

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you...

The reason I don't want you is because I need you...

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left me...

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you...

The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you...

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life."

got this somewhere off the net wen reading...sounds freaking true.well enJoy ;)

HuManS

2005-10-28T10:23:00.000-07:00

i m going crazy crazy crazy juz thinking abt u lately.i m going crazy crazy thinking abt u baby.i m going crazy crazy fer not touch,crazy crazy fer not yet hold u, crazy crazy fer not see u again.how long i m to control.

common i m soo into u already...cant anyone see it??how much do i have prove more?i m the kind of gal that can treat u sweet,but u got to realise u got to be sweeter to me.

theres a limit one can hold it..and i think i m slowly reaching the limit..but slowly i realise the other side of the hand is not clapping anymore.why is life soo sick on me manz.once bitten,twice shy..but now its twice bitten!! what wrong did i do? i fall fer someone..is it a crime..and that we can only fall fer a certain person and not anyone our hearts fall fer?? i dunnoe if the other hand knows how i feel or its juz trying to denyin the fact of soo.

hahaz back to square one...being strong fer a reason that i dun think i shld.but its happiness of others i m more concerned abt...soo i have to seal UP!!....argh

tigger i like u soo much..but then u are gone or going. honestly u are the first one..that i cld fit soo perfectly.unfortunately i guess the puzzle piece on ur side doesnt match mine.its like he's the only one wen i can balance my feelings and everything.i dun want to lose u.everydae i hope that a miracle mite happen.well u said it urself..ppl often go to those that dun usually provide them total love,and move awayz frm those that can provide lifetime love.so i noe it takes more than miracle for me..

i often cry.but come to a point wen i noe that crying wont change anything.i tried n i failed n i guess i will continue failing.theres a danger in loving someone too much,and its sad to know that its ur heart u cant trust.theres a danger in loving someone too much,and its sad to know its ur heart they cant touch.

**heLP me*

2005-10-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

turn ard,ever now and then i get a a little tired listening to my tears
turn ard,ever now and then i fall apart,turn ard. i need you now tonight.

how i wish those statements were REAL..yesh i need you tonite.and forever gonna start tonite.
but theres nothing i can do..

nature--> u can easily fall in love and easily fall out of love..BUt you cant easily be forced out of love.argh forcing urself is super near impossible la.argh i need you..i have fallen n fallen n my hearts want to continue to fall.but my mind says that circumstances DUN allow soo.soo now i m juz gonna be myself.refraining and trying my best not to make stuff any harder fer any soUls..hehez.

okie i woke up late and let fer debates.will continue my legendary story sOOn...

oh ya,tigger nice outinG!! ;)

*piGlet*

2005-10-20T07:43:00.000-07:00

hmmz me back again...

hahaz blog blog blog..hehez since u r the only one that knows how i really feel deep down inside.hahaz how i wish it was a person.anyone.gal or guy.i dun care.

been feeling abit pist at myself.no idea why.or actuallie i do.infact that same incident keeps on flashing in my mind.sometimes i wish to scream it out.oH my God those cries of pain...

hahaz todae i sat down n starting thinking.what m i really gonna do in life..hahaz the question still ponders.u noe wat i m toking abt.hmmz haiz..

lost my voice on sat.and it aint fully back till todae..VOICY please come back my dear..

hmmz todae went out wif tigger to pass him a cd.hmmz enjoyed myself lots..hahaz laughed alot..hope that tigger did enjoy himself tOO..hmmz

well me gtg now. take care...will be back

CHECk-> my lifes swirling...hahaz

*piGLet*

classic BitCh

2005-10-19T11:37:00.000-07:00

**food for thoughT**

dreams are not those that we see with our eyes, for dreams are wat the mind and soul see.okie dun really know whether that makes sense or not.but thats juz that..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a classic bitch is wat i m.argh. i cant believe this is wat i m.how cld i?

soo many thing running thru my mind.aint sure wat m i too do manz.sit and think? sit n cry? sit n ponder or shld i go n INFLICt pain on myself.hahaz inflicting pain is the only way i can remove pain i m feeling deep down inside ritez??

well inflict pain thats wat i shall do? argh no listening ear fer now.companion juz ipOd and computer and source of inflicting pain.

will be back

soo lOng...

*am i jinX??**

2005-10-18T10:56:00.000-07:00

am i jinX??

haiz i juz read my ex friendster page n his gf one too..hahaz sad manz...it seems i m jinx. its like i cant keep anyone happy at all..hahaz well or no one can make me happy..hahaz nobody loves,everybody hates me.okie i m getting paranoid..but its juz the same.my ex left me, and now tigger is in the process of going awayz. how do i cope manz. why do the ppl i love dearly have to part wif me? common i too have a heart...something that beats...i know me writing this mite seem bias or wat soo ever. but then come to think of it... 10 mths ago.gana left.and now 10 mths later tigger leaving.the thing is i like tigger soo much more than gana..its gonna be super painful manz.total eclipse of the heart.haiz.. i dunnoe wat to do..seriously i m LOST.hahaz back to how i was 10 mths ago..hmmz sad sad sad sad sad sad...it seems ppl are happier without me ard. hahaz whus gonna be the one to keep me happy.i tot i found him.but maybe finders aint keeper5 all the time??

tigger i hope u get her back...my support is all wif ya...dun stress..wen theres a will theres a way...

have been coughing badly..as if like i m gonna collaspe any moment now.argh.sick manz.
i need a hug, an ear.

birthday PartY

2005-10-17T09:39:00.000-07:00

**wooHOo 18**

i m finally legally,officially 18 yrs of age..woohoo..well i dunnoe why i m making a big deal out of it though.anywayz i had the best ever birthday party manz..ever since i cld remember my birthday party..i tell ya..its was such a lovable moment that i cant neber forget any inch of it.guess wat tigger was part of it..we had dancing,treasure hunt,truth or dare and smile if you love me.hmmz total out of 20 ppl i invit3d only 7 turned up..sad..came to a conclusion i m lovable yet not impt.some of my friends had work.soo they are excused but the rest..argh...excuses...well i dun care now..thanks to those 9 souls that made me an evening i cant neber forget.

hmmz i got cake smashed.and i danced.danced first time in my life!!!!first time..besides the folk dance in sec sch.argh.but it was all great fun.tigger danced kinda well too...soo cute and argh.at that point of time i was soo tempted to pinch his cheeks..well had to control...food was great(winks* thanks mummy and masi sito) hehez..well thanks guys fer all ya presents.LOVE them..muacks muacks...

the party ended at ard 11.45pm and my daddy volunteered to sent al my peeps back hm.hehez 8 ppl squeezing in a car...hahaz nice...rl sat on me.. senthil and tigger squeezed wif each other.bc squeezed with me and rl.

then after dropping rl,senthil,and Bc. it was only dad,me,tigger and cash in the car. me and tigger were in the back sit. and guess wat the "if you are not the one" song played on the radio. wat a perfect time. hmmz all i did was stare into his eyes.but he tried not to look back.why?? well many other songs that reflected our situation played along on the radio.argh that feeling inside me was like soo strong.but wat to do..in a position to conceal it.but i m gonna write it down here..coz i m confine to conceal my feelings on this canvas. wen the song played on the radio was gonna cry and wanted soo much to cuddle up into his arms. i dunnoe.the once sunita that vowed not to fall in love is deeply liking someone soo much...i mean it manz.oh god.why cant we juz have wat we want?

oh ya...one more thing...i lost my voice and now i sound like a man..trust me its scary to hear my dear voice.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
emoTiOnS*
well canvas this the time i m gonna pour my feelings. honestly speaking this is juz how i feel.not to offend ppl are wat soo ever.juz lovehatez feelings.

i m soo feeling amiss.its like the one that provide me love,care,concern,tlc, and security is soo near yet soo far. i really need you manz. i have reached to a point that i cant stop thinking abt u.HONEstly saying.i dun wish to let you go at all.But if going is wats gonna make u happy i will.i m soo afraid to fall into that realm of HateLove..hmmz but wat ever it is. i m soo into it that i dunnoe how to express wat i m feeling.

hey GOD..common help us out here.show each of us the path that we are suppose to take. oh ya.ps. if my path's gonna hurt..help me thru it k? thanks

he's been thinking toooo much and i m afraid it mite affect his health.argh i feel soo low seeing him in this situation.hope he comes out of it soon enuf. he shldnt be dwelling..i m saying this coz i cant bear to see u like that. i need to see the cheerful you.the tiggering tigger.dun put up a mask of happiness on.remove the mask and let happiness shine upon u again. ps. watever choice u make i will alwayz be rite behind u with my almost support..

i m missing you soo much..

*note this is based that i m writing on the canvas. not offending anyone and not indirectly telling anything.* its solely an avenue to pour.

*pigLet*

i really need you

2005-10-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

TURN AROUND Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round. TURN AROUND Every now and then I get a little bit tired of list'ning to the sound of my tears. TURN AROUND Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by. TURN AROUND Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes. TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES Every now and the I fall apart. TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES Every now and the I fall apart.
TURN AROUND Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild. TURN AROUND Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms. TURN AROUND Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry. TURN AROUND Every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes. TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES Every now and then I fall apart. TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES Every now and then I fall apart.

And I need you now tonight and I need you more than ever and if you only hold me tight we'll be holding on forever. And we'll only be making it right 'cause we'll never be wrong. Together we can take it to the end of the line. Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time. I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark. We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks. I really need you tonight, forever's gonna start tonight, forever's gonna start tonight.

Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart. There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. Once upon a time there was light in my life but now there's only love in the dark. Nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the heart.
TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES every now and then I fall apart TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight and I need you more than ever and if you only hold me tight we'll be holding on forever. And we'll only be making it right 'cause we'll never be wrong. Together we can take it to the end of the line. Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time. I don't know what to do, I'm always in the dark. We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks. I really need you tonight, forever's gonna start tonight, forever's gonna start tonight.

Once upon a time I was falling in love but now I'm only falling apart. Nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. Once upon a time there was light in my life but now there's only love in the dark. Nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the heart A total eclipse of the heart
Turn around, bright eyes Turn around, bright eyes, turn around

this song explains what i feel like now...

birthdae

2005-10-13T22:14:00.000-07:00

yuppie i m legally 18...gee

haiz....feeling super happy todae..i spent 3/4 of the day with tigger...soo cute and soo much fun..hmmz lolz...he reallie disturb me alot..but i din mind it at all..soo sweet..k i got lots of write but not in the mood fer essays..

soo ya cyaz soOnz

float

2005-10-11T02:03:00.000-07:00

*beyond My emOtional Strength.*

here i m at rock bottom coz i have lost someone that i was starting or in fact fell in love with oready.note its my definition of falling in love..diff ppl diff perspective..

i think falling rock bottom aint enuf la... i need to be dug deep into the ground now. got a msg frm devi-> my ex's girlfriend.AFTER 10 mths,she wrote to apologize..haiz..10 mths to realise a mistake and apologize on his behalf...common if its apology i seek..it shld be frm him manz..not frm his gal. he make the thing.gal apologize? well i dun think he is slightest bit sorry. well heck ...wat the hell can i do? besides sitting down n cry on how shitty my life can get.

my life==> an open cut that juz get stabbed deeper each time and neber ever the sight of it closing up. others have cuts but eventually they will close and heal leaving a scar--> ie memories.hahaz soo lucky.

feeling extra shitty now...coz i got no where to run to...no open arms NO NTH.trust me it sucks to be in this situation.u like someone and yet that sumone doesnt like u.its all gone...juz in the snap of the finger. maybe i m juz too gd to be true thats y ppl are afraid to stay on.? well but thats juz me....haiz... i missing u alot... u noe whu i mean..sadly all i can do,is to seal everything up and hope fer the best fer ya. dun worry,u will get wat u want...i m sure...u are a super nice guy...even though the saying goes that nice guys finish last..u will finish it with wat u want juz rite next to ya.gd lucK...

as fer me...i have to search fer my emotional strength.dun think i can go thru it again alone...mite take a longer time...but i dunnoe if i will fully recover...GOD knows...

birthdae in 2 daes...and i m in this all f***ked up mood.

anyways its in the bleak hrs of morning..i need to slp...if not i will go crazy...

*piglet*

bOnKers

2005-10-10T11:33:00.000-07:00

* feeling better *

havent eaten anything since yesterday morning.just dun feel like eating at all. maybe its juz the mood swings.hahaz yesterday i was toking to tigger..then my hp batt went flat.argh.anywayz tigger if u read this.. i m sorry. u were actually aslp too while i was toking to ya.soo we are even? hehez.

anywayz feeling better already.hahaz lolz...knocked my head to tell me that its okie..people come and go.and that he's going towards the direction that makes him happy..wooHoo... i made one more soul happier...nice..guess back to my crazy self again..hahaz checking out guys...haiz alvin where are u...miss seeing your goatie.crazy me...see i told ya i m going bonkers.

anywayz gonna have my birthday party soon.hope ppl turn up.i dun want it to be a flOp...soo afraid ppl wont make it...and then i will be super embrassed.hahaz...wont happen ritez...ppl please come.

have been blogging excessively manz.wats wrong.nah nth.maybe juz need an avenue to pour?I M BORED..tigger said he wanted to go out.but i think he's slping or maybe juz havent got the time to call...guess i have to get the stuff myself.I HATE GOING out alone.
1) ppl mite think i m anti-social..go out no kaki
2) with my ever soo big mouth how can i go out alone without having a ear to yack intO??

k k... i shall stop yacking here. will be back sOOn. oops i think i have dropped into the mood where i chose not to communicate much verbally ;O

hahaz faces of reality

2005-10-09T22:14:00.000-07:00

*reality*

walau juz went to my ex frendster page.wOOhoo... already i rock bottom hurt i see the picture i think i bury my head into the ground. its not that i miss him or watever. which come to think maybe i do.nah no la..hahaz once someone asked me why my love is soo small.hahaz small love.u shld have seen me abt 8 mths bad. u think i was one mad little gal manz. hmmz maybe its juz self denial that i made a grave mistake that keeps me growing and maturing to wat i m now.
anywayz my ex uploaded soo many pix on frendster.hahaz its been a long time since i have seen him.and close to a yr since i have tok to him.well neber gonna get to tok to him ever again.

feeling really angry with myself now. twice i m hurt. twice. once i got hurt i vowed to neber get hurt again.and here i m at square one.sad manz.argh.its not the same situation.its juz the same feeling...like ur heart sinks to rock bottom. its not coz i lost the thing.its juz that i brough hurt to my own self..shld beat myself la.

cant believe my heart is at rock bottom once again.how cld i cheat my heart again.the promise i gave to it??seeing my ex pix makes me feel why did it happen again. haiz i m at a total cross road. how long will it take fer me to get out of this? how long.. i need care. frm anyone whus willing to give me any form of care.hahaz..

i m going crazy..super crazy

**piglet**

dealing wif it..

2005-10-09T21:42:00.000-07:00

*dealing with it*

i feel extremely down.i juz want to cry it all out.rock bottom.float up please.
i dunnoe wat to write. i dunnoe wat to say. i think i m feeling delay action.help me anyone.

hahaz

2005-10-09T20:18:00.000-07:00

gone

2005-10-08T16:18:00.000-07:00

*goNe*

argh.million little knives piercing every single part of my body.sad.heart and soul and a small little voice in me squeaking for ya to not go.

well for you to go or not, is not in my hands. eventually you will go.missing him like nobody's business. hahaz well missing him is what i shall do till time cures the pain. i really felt so warmed up in him,the sense of security deeping in.hell security breaks apart and warmness turns into cold chills.

not matter how much words are my companion.words turn enemies when deal with this kinda situation.words no longer can seep out,telling deeply how i feel. qns is how do i feel? a sense of lost fer not holding ya, or a sense of happiness seeing ur eyes gleam again? maybe its juz not meant to be.or maybe i will neber be loved truly. once bitten,twice shy,twice bitten, dun try. Or third time the charm. it happened once.i loved like i neber loved before. i sacrificed no gal will do.i neglected my life and fell into his realm.I got bit. i was blinded. love blinds it all.

it happened again.a sweet one i must say.i was sure where i was heading.i knew it mite not stay.no doubt i chose the path.the path i never will regret. but now i seek fer someones help.time i guess it will be. i need the determination to pull my heart out. fer each of those tickles,memories lingers.memories the lethal of them most.actually reason why ppl go or stay is coz they cant let go of memories they had before.memories are the lifeguards or murderers of relationship i must say.no one goes awayz or stays on based on individual characters at that point of time.its the memories that pull or push them.sad but true.life it is.

once i tot, finally i will have someone that cares fer me.appreciate me fer me.and love me fer me. but i guess i was wrong.i felt tired living in my close realm.i needed someone to share my happiness,my sadness,and anger.and me to share their's in turn.sadly i have to stick into that realm.maybe lovehatez lover as not arrived or maybe there'll neber be one.all i wanna say,is i like u alot.glad to have meet ya.hope to remain as friends as we are now.remember loveHatez is alwayz there for ya.in time of happiness,sadness,anger and fear.

ps.i wrote this solely to express my feelings and not as an avenue to make ppl feel better or worse. its mean alot to me for me being able to let it all out. i feel better.coz this plain paper is all that i have for now.

**pigLet**

words

2005-10-07T22:16:00.000-07:00

feelings

2005-10-07T22:10:00.000-07:00

*feelings*

usually in our everyday life,everyone out there either let out their feelings or supress their feelings to either let ppl know or to let no one know.

i am in a position now that i cant let any feelings flow out no matter how much i want them to juz flow out naturally.thats how i really feel.well since i cant show it in real life.well at least i can write it out. wat i honestly feel deep inside of me.its juz gonna be my soul feelings.wat is deep rock bottom inside of me.aint offending anyone here k.

scenario--> i am falling for this cute little guy**tigger**..he is soo sweet and soo nice to be ard. i feel so secure and comfortable with him.take today for an eg. i havent met him for 2 days and suddenly felt like meeting him.so i went down to his working place..before that i was feeling soo low at hm.was at totally rock bottom on the mood-o-meter today.muz be the mood swings.but wen i saw him today i felt soo gd deep inside.it was like small little sparks igniting inside of me wen i saw his cute little dashing smile and those lovable eyes. argh deep inside i felt like pinching his chin manz. but hell i had to control ;) oh ya he looked super nice and macho in uniform.the black pants..so sleek..nice ;)

fer the past few daes i have been feeling very lost.i read his blog and realise that he still wanna go back. sad.lost.scared. but then if thats wat gonna make him happy that ma ybe thats wat will eventually happen.wat makes him happy makes me happy tOO..sadly the past few daes,me kinda feel that hes trying to shun awayz from me, or maybe he's juz too tired.maybe,maybe not.every nite i yearn to hear his voice b4 i go to bed. juz that few mins of his voice is all i need. hahaz habit i guess, a sweet yet lethal habit.but loving it.. :)
bought a baby tigger and piglet. they are soo soo sweet manz..hahaz soo small..LOlz... hahaz reminds me of T*p*i*G*G*L*e*t*R.

bottom line..i guess i m falling in love. something i aint sure whether i can do. dont noe that if i were to fall,will the person on the other end catch me? a risk to take or a step not to take yet to regret later? i miss him alot. i miss his tickles. i miss his smile.i miss him.oops sudenly having sharp pangs in my head. OUCH...hahaz lolz... wonder y.thinking to much perhasp. or maybe juz too tired.watever it is...hoping he mite call tonite...missing his voice..true.innocently.waiting.surely.

well i have finally poured my dear heart out. note this is juz my personal feelings. nothing else. not written to make ppl feel bad or sad or angry. this is juz how LovehaTez feels inside. juz letting it all out..

pz Hope to see ya soon.and hope things get easy fer ya.

me gtg now..

**pigLet**

my outlook of life

2005-10-06T21:46:00.000-07:00

feelings,emotions,heart--> aspects of life that we cant live without and can really live with. being 18 yrs of age i have been thru quite abit of life and seen people live thru it. life--> something that keeps us going on..something that blossoms like roses fer others and something that withers awayz juz. wat is life..scientic explaination is juz a one plus one theory of it. but wat exactly happens in life no one knows. NO one have been the same exact situation with any one else. everyone is caught up in the own realm of happiness and sorrows. thats why wen one falls into a deep problem.no one actually has a ready made solution.we have to go thru it..live thru it and learn from it..often time it will be a coarse road.FUll of bumps here and there...or made a strike of lighting too.but thats juz make us stronger inevitably. in life there to two kind of people.one of those are the ones that in their entire lifetime,stick to one fixed routine. and the other kind are the ones that in their one lifetime do everything they can. those that chose to stick to their routine are those that often fearful to face problems or to stay denial to all things that happen to them.all they wish could happen would be for the problems that arise to slowly slip awayz. common basic facts, problems happen to make u stronger,running awayz makes things even more worse.I know its hard to face with the problems face to face but its obviously a way better choice that juz to remain mumb,aint it?they cease to remember that their act of keeping quiet and running awayz,might be hurting another soul.its like.facing the prob once equates to falling one time hard..than procrastinate that equates to falling down a million times slolwy..which is much more better in a long run? falling down once hard,hurts the butt lots more,but no doubt u deal wif the issue once and fer all. u deal with it.eventually putting it to a close.. falling down million times forcing u become weaker each time and not knowing when it will come to an end. it hurts 999,999 times more..and this small bits of hurt will accumulate and stay as a million scars.

once i got told of by a loved one. "i have no interest in you,will never have interest in you, never had interest in you, soo fuck OFF" hmmz wen those words pierced my ears i was like what the hell.i cursed and sweared the person,but now looking back...no doubt wat that person did was utterly wrong but it made me fall once..a hard one.. rather than i get small bits and pieces of that message which will hurt more and more.. maybe that just my personal preference.but yeah..maybe some ppl prefer it slow? looking in my everyday life, there are very few out there that think like me.. often time, i see people blaming and pointing fingers at one another when problems strike their lifes.i dunnoe how they can simply push all the blame wen that they are part of it. dun they get a sense of guilt when they do that? everyone blames everyone else. but maybe the problem juz lies in those very individuals. take a scenario, a classic scenario.. a team of 4 students, doing their project.project's due in a few days,and member D hasnt start on his/her work yet.Note member D starts complaining that member a,b,c hasnt helped him/her in a small part of the work.and then that member din bother to start work at all. LOOk member d is blaming others fer his/her part that he failed to start upon.see. everyone blames the other.but no one is willing to take the blame. member shld blame his/her self fer not trying to seek him frm another source when help wasnt given straight awayz.the member chose to depend on another.wen will ppl start to realise that we aint living on one another in terms of getting work done?

LOVEhATEZ....
LOVE TO HATE OR HATE TO LOVE..hmmz my trademark now.this is a first.me in a confused state when it comes to the matters of the heart..its a super long story and REALLY hope it gets sorted out REAL fast...hahaz lolz..well now juz living each day as it comes..fun,sad,angry,fear all at once.thats more like it gal.wats a day without sadness,filled with happiness, a day without happiness,filled with sadness,a day without anger filled with sadness,a day with any of those missing,aint a day at all...
***piGleT***

2005-10-05T07:38:00.000-07:00

todae is the quietest i have been fer a long time..its like i juz dont feel like talking at all..to answer qns when i myself is at a lost.

coLLide

2005-10-03T08:26:00.000-07:00

** coLLide **

haiz...i havent been able to blog fer that past one week...the time i really needed to blog..hmmz even now te create post page is in a mess!!...well i'll juz heck abt it and start writing..

Finally i have finished my examz.WoOhoo...tell ya those 2 weeks were painstaking weeks manz of sch...well it was soo tensed...everyday,well almost everyday me will be under t15 studying like a nerd...hmmz trying to memorise stuff..well i have a many sweet memories there tOO...yuPPie...hahaz lolz...

soo caught up wif studying that we ate either sandwich frm the sandwich machine or instant nOOdles...well examz are over...can relaz till semester 2 which is like less than a mth awayz...stooPid sHORT hols..

hmmz lets blog abt a sweet yet complicated issue...hmmz i have fell for someone already...the thing is that, coz of certain issues i have to refrain my actions and feelings...ignore that part..

hmmz spending time with that person is super sweet n nice manz..makes me feel on cloud nine..hahaz the tickling, the sitting on dustbin,the one hand lift..hahaz make me feel that i m sOO small...Oh YA not to forget the tour of the boys toilet...haiz that part was nice but kinda embrassing...but then it was all innocent fun..really hope that this guy will find the rite path that makes him happy...hahaz al i wanna see is him being happy inside out...waiting fer the next time i can set eyes on ya... ;)

have been hOOked to the collide song...the sOng is wonderful manz...and have a special meaning to it..hahaz sweet...

*u and i cOLLide*

*StaRs***

2005-09-10T12:55:00.000-07:00

i think i m falling deeply for someone...i think the person know who he is...

He's just soo simple yet adorable...its like i feel soo comfortable wif him and i dun have to hide my true feelings...thOugh things aint easy as i wish it can be but well i hope that watever happens he will be happy..
I dunnoe why but its like if i dun hear his voice i yearn soo badly to hear it..
and not to forget that cute little dashing smile and that ever soo nice goatie...keke...I M NOT CURRY-flavouring here...i mean it...

hahaz well this is wat i have to say fer now...till than...missing u tigger

I m FREAKING ouT

2005-09-08T16:04:00.000-07:00

**********************************FREAK***********************************

i am starting to freak out....OR shall i say i have already started freaking out....i hate myself to the core now...
frankly speaking i yearn to feel heartless now...reallie...sick of life.... gonna fail weba...cries!!!!GOD help me... i need help...i m soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo stressed out... i have tons of projects lumping onto me...like i alwayz tell my best buddy val...we are in a pool shit...no wait not only that we are in the pool of shit...we are mixing in it... :S sounds disgusting i noe...but well this is bloody hell how i feel...trust me i dun think any idiot would want to trade life wif me fer now...

not only that, my maid is giving FUCKING proBlem..dun mind the language fer those whose reading this..i think u guys can judge the amount of anger and sorrow seeping in me...ok why cant my maid juz mind her own bloody business and not gif a bloody damn abt my family...u are here as a maid...(sorrie that i m saying this...i noe its very stereotype but hack la...i tot that ppl are all making up stories abt maids but then now i m seeing the bloody true colours) WTF.... okie now i freaking out...gonna have WEBA interview soon...gonna die soOn... no wait I M DEAD!!!!!!!!!!

anywayz plz fate help me... okie this is the countless time i m asking fate to help...soo now can i have my share of LUCK???!!!!

EeEeeeKs

2005-09-04T23:34:00.000-07:00

****EeEeeeKs****

blah blah blah

2005-08-29T08:57:00.000-07:00

i needed an avenue to pour my anger and bloody sorrow...

am i like a free port...where ppl come and go?? liken to a ship stopping at a port fer fuel replenshing and blah...guess i m back to the old state of recovery frm another person i feel for...and it end made use as a cushion...

quoting the person's words....i want to start a afresh but but but but......wont it be easier if i wasnt there....hayoh u already noe ur stoopid ans WHY WHY WHY ON EARTh u wasted my time? heLLO i m human tOOO...i have something that beats too...and something that feels....anywayz i dunnoe wats gonna happen...now i m here pouring my stoopid feelings which i noe NO ONE...i mean NO one will noe and bother to care how i feel....god help me...i m sick of falling in love again...and then getting thrown out of itn FER NO APPARENT REASON!!!! ;(

I hate Love...yet love Love

2005-08-28T11:21:00.000-07:00

*********************i love/Hatez mY life*******************

i m starting to realise that my life aint that lucky...
i fell in love....Right
the guy i fell in love needs time to get over his girl.....Given
his ex calling him and asking him back........I DUNNOE WHAT TO DO...
he not letting go.....Beyond my control
he asking me to wait....i will

But wat if he neber comes back....will i ever be able to take it?
i dunnoe i juz known him fer like 3 weeks now...i starting to fall in love Or like with him day by day..

gee and i m hooked onto the remix of my cousin song..by madonna and sum other guy....argh i think thats the only song i hear everyday..

plz angel of fate if he's meant to be then dun snatch him awayz frm me? plz...

shitZ

2005-08-20T07:06:00.000-07:00

*************************SHiTZ*************************

nice heading fer a blog right?bleh...well okie think i m in deep shit now..why??
i think i am having a major crush...oh god..why..hahaz i have been have countless amount of crushes but this is the strongest i ever had since .............(shant brag about him here)..the worst part of of this is that i am afaird i mite juz fall in love juz liked i did about a year ago...NOOOOOooooo i dont what that to happen..i am soo darn afaird of going thru wat i went..okies well theres a 90% that it wouldnt end like the way the first and last ended but then u cant blame me fer being scared?anywayz well maybe on the other hand,the crush mite juz fade awayz...but there's juz something about this someone that has much i wanna run awayz and avoid all of it,the more i get attracted back...bleh...thank god his not in my class...well even if he was then the situation wont be the same la...everything happens fer a reason i pressume..haiz

anywayz my handphone is completely SILENT TODAY!!! no one msged me except fer *superman* that was because i msged him to ask fer WEBA...but then other than that it's DEAD SILENT (IRONIC)...hey singtel is there sumthing wrong wif the network or is that no one bothers to msg me todae??

okie okie...i shall buzz off now n dwell into *dear webA*...meanwhile..me waiting patiently fer the next time when i m gonna hear frm that someone..crosses finger and hope sOOn..

LoVehaTez

Sarong Party Girl

2005-08-18T07:23:00.000-07:00

SarongPartyGirl..The lastest talk of the town...or shall i say the small little blinking red dot->Singapore.Let me see...Re

hahaz life

2005-08-14T22:55:00.000-07:00

"why are your nick alwayz soo sad?" thats what my cousin asked me yesterdae...Suddenly i felt a pinch manz...I started pondering and questioning myself why too...well maybe i m juz feeling soo...i do feel happy inside sometimes, but sometimes on the other hand i juz feel off balance...maybe coz i m blogged down wif lotsa work...And my cuz was like telling me that he's in love..on cloud nine...woahz...soo fast...hmmz well thats gd fer him then..

like i have said i m gonna wait till the rite one comes and make sure he stays till the end of time..hmmz well think abt it...if i happen to have A Bf now...wich means to say in poly...after we graduate, his gonna go army..hahaz serve the nation..then i shall be alone all over again fer 2 yrs...no more meeting everyday and ya...soo its gonna be rather hard...well if loves sparks then ya...if not i m juz gonna wait till i m in university...(like how my parents alwayz wanted it) well maybe wen i start working?(better still) '-_-...

had a talk wif my mum today...and she was like asking me whether was she controlling me too much...Hmmz and as u can guess wats my answer would be...i juz smiled and say nope...maybe a little but then i told her i understand how she feels..then she told me that shes afaird that shes controlling to much..she told me that shes afaird to lose my love...hahaz common ma..I LOVE U ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT...she brought up the past wen i neglected my family fer that ass...and shes afaird that it mite happen again..hahaz i was like..hey that was my first..and der i wont do that again...the next time i m in love its gonna be wif ya consent..so no more hiding?

My mum asked..."why are youngsters nowadays alwayz falling in love at this unripe age?""why dun they noe that they have plenty of time in the future.." they are wasting their time and blah blah" haiz another pinch there...wonder how many more pinches i m gonna get?
Naturally i would have shugged my shoulder and reply i dunnoe...but today i was like gonna tell her the fact of why youngsters are in and out of love.. so i started blabbering..

I started by saying that they thing that they are ready..and the main reason would be that they had sumone to confine too alwayz...coz parents are bz and blah...all they need is love (TLC) and reassurance...those that not all parents are able to give? after saying that...she turned and looked at me and asked "soo do u get all u need frm ask" and i replied yes i do..thats why i dun need a BF? hahaz its half true la...its true i get all the love frm my family but aint it nice to have someone special...well not yet i guess...

basically have been reallie lousy this weekend...have been having crying spells once in a while...well maybe i juz lost and lonely inside..hahaz havent reason emotional karma...well soon la...will get back on track..ahahz allot of ppl expecting frm me..and me myself too...soo ya...

okie i got to BUZZ off now...projects.. :D

HaTez

2005-08-13T21:52:00.000-07:00

my heart's in pieces likened to my Bloody phone...my phone that i havent been able to be separated from coz of the msgs is finally in pieces...AND ya i mean literally in pieces...haiz....thats the end part of the story i m abt to tell..

on friday i went to kranji's 10th year anniversary at NTU's Nanyang Auditorium...hahaz lets skip the long journey there....if not the story wont end...okie soo got there and saw many familiar faces....Mr Tan,Mr Chua,Ms Joseph,Mrs Amba,Mrs Ram,Mdm Normala,Mr Siah,Ms Sim and lotsa more...woahz it was nice manz seeing all my cher all over again...i suddenly felt like a kranjian once again...hmmz miss those days manz...hahaz Ms Sim looked soo sweet and she praised my eyes...'-__- and she was like you are getting prettier Sunita...i was huhz...hmmz okie thats that....hmmz Mr Ashley Tan was nice toking to too...while toking to him,flashes of moments in class wen i was in SEC 1...he teaches us English & History...Nice memories manz...okie lets drift awayz from memory lane for a while...

the play was nice...serious brought me back to those days wen i was in secondary sch..the innocent me going up to the podium in the morning giving out morning accouncement to the thousands of student on the mike...hahaz haiz..okie...the dansical was nice...but juz abit niches here and there...oh ya and a insult to IT too....the slides were bad manz...well thats juz a comment k

anywayz it ended at ard 1030 at nitez...and then we made our way to the bus-stop and as usual it being late my mom started panicking again....soo she called and sms and called n sms...and i answered...well i m actually used o it...uderstands that shes over-protective but i tot maybe she wld be starting to let gO...common I M 18...hmmz let me see an 18 yr gal...shld be going shopping once in 2 weeks...a movie once in a while wif her frends and maybe out relazxing once a week??hmmz now my version of being 18....i leave hm frm sch in the morning...and then straight to sch...end sch at 6 or 7 and then Straight home...see the emphasis on the word straight??yes...i dun go to the nearby mall to destress nor do i go out on sat or sundae wif my frends...i m bascially hm and sch...if i go out it will be wif parents or juz to get stuff...which is rare...well i managed to adapt tot the situation coz i understand my mom...shes not ready to let me off...waiting patiently though...soo yesterdae was the first time in ages i was out wif frends this late..and soo ya...

soo everything went fine...until wen i was in 300 bus...hmmz i msged her telling her that i was in the bus and that the bus was full soo no need to worry...but then suddenly before alighting i got a call frm my dad...hmmz bad sign coz i tot my dad was aslp...soo i answered and he asked me where the hell i m...soo i swallowed and answered i was iN the bus...then i go down the bus and saw my dad n mom standing there...

so i walked up and my mom started asking..."why did u answer ur phone" i was like huhz? did u guys call?? then i said well no reception and maybe coz my phone is half dead??
then my dad took my phone and guess wat he did????

he looked at it and then SLAMMED IT DOWN onto the floor!! gee there it went...hahaz my heart sank like no ones business...tears started rolling dowm my cheeks...my msgs those msgs ALL GONE!!! oh gosh it reallie hurt manz..
went i got hm and went straight to the bathrOOm and cried!! =S hmmz well thats wat happpened becoz of no reception fer a few seconds...haiz..well i hope i will be like any other 18 yr gal soon enuf...well thats that la...life as it is...i hope now ppl will understand why i cant stay up soo late fer stuff.. :S

haiz

2005-08-10T09:07:00.000-07:00

heart thumping,and adrenaline rushes wenever i see this guy in schOOl...hmmz hes not particularly cute or wat so ever but he has that nice smile and that perfect goatie ;) machO too i shld add...hahaz but i guess thats juz gonna be a fantasy or a fairy tale story...one of those i have once in a while...its not that i m afaird to make frends wif him or i m juz too shy...its juz that theres no freaking rite chance for me...ps...he's one of my frends friends...that makes it even worse right?guess i juz got to keep mum and wait n c wat happens..(crosses finger n wait fer a miracle to happen)...hahaz or maybe twitch my nose?

anywayz saw my ex again a few daes ago...Twice someMore...hahaz one time he stared at me like NOBODY's Business...guess he was shock to see me...a change frm the last time he "duMped" me...well hahaz its ya lost not mine...maybe it juz wasnt the rite time huh..

the other time i saw him,i juz a few inches awayz frm him.... the stupiDest part was that i recongised him like miles awayz...hahaz juz by looking at his back.. maybe its juz that instinct that never fades awayz...as per usual he stole glances at me...wonder shld i be sad or happy...well thats juz one of those times wen u aint sure how u feel n bLahz...well wherever u r...i hope u r fine....hahaz ppl who noe wat happened to me..will think i m crazy to well-wish him...but hehez thats juz me...

anywayz went fer debates todae...did a shitty performance..maybe coz i m juz to stressed up with dear assignments and stuff...Btw i scored a gd mark fer my gems class..soo happy...cher said i toPped the class...how i wish that applies fer IT??

ps...if fate is kind enuf...plz help me make frends with this sumone...thanks...all i asking if a chance to be his frend.ThanK u..

k i got to head fer bed now...b4 my back yells more..

Defining myself

2005-08-01T17:48:00.000-07:00

Just got home from school..had 2 papers todae and bOY itEC was TouGH!! i feel like screaming manz...all those i memorised and understood like shit barely came out...and lotsa of the organisation of internet stuff were glorifying the paper...well i still wonder why do we need to learn all this organisation name fer? is it gonna be that we will be asked fer all this wen we are on our internship? okie dun wanna argue anymore...well i think i pretty stressed up now...hahaz well its usually coZ its EXAMz??

3 more papers to go...a killer mpRG...hope i can kill it and not it kill my grades...well thats juz that fer sch work...

toking abt life.... hmmz remember i wrote in my earlier post of me in the process of making frends wif sumone...well gee things juz neber seem to fall in the rite time...guess wat the person is undergoing a mAJOR crUsH!! i.e it makes it harder to make frends coz the persons mind is consistently on that crush...maybe thats juz fate...aint the rite time...maybe this person is juz gonna be sumone that juz passed my life fer juz a few mins?? gee...well thats juz a waste...still pondering on wat i shld do...shld i bother or juz let it go??hahaz wonder what me seek...

not oNLi that...todae i juz took out the letters frm the past...read them and i cant believe i was wat i was the other time...soo sweet,soo naive and BLAH...hahaz okie okie..maybe i m juz no longer in love soo i cant remember how it feels...hmmz that makes me wonder why will i ever fall in love again..hehez...no despo but i starting to wonder why do my crush last soo short...well maybe ma prince charming aint here yet??!! hmmz k...oh ya juz found out that one of my frends interested in me....eww thats scary...haha and not sumone i expect to like me........anywayz i gtg now...
have to hit my dearly awaited bOoKs..."screaming" " come and make full use of us" okie i noe thats lame...but Blah....

i shall be back sOOn enuf...

tataz

aaja piya..

2005-07-24T08:07:00.000-07:00

Hi again...guess i m in the special mood to blog again ;)

I am hooked onto this new hindi song...Aaja piya tohe pyaar doon, gori baiyyaan tope vaar doon..
Nice oldie that was remixed soo well..okie thats that...

Okie.. i m having this super freaking feeling that i myself aint sure why...Remember my last entry abt me in the process of making frends with the someone...I dunnoe why its like

back again?

2005-07-22T23:26:00.000-07:00

this is nice...finally i m blogging again..found that special mood i gues..

haiz...soo much to say yet i have no freaking idea where to start..so much thing happened in ma life and yet...gee...okie...let me start with da less interesting stuff first..= scH

scHool is hectIc...get the word HECTIC...its one more week to my mST and not onli i gotta study i have my dear assignments waiting for me to attend to them...Hmmz weBa is super taxing..not that it is hard..its juz too tedious..many steps yet soo little time...well aint that juz how life is..errmm i m starting to wonder why on earth do i alwayz blame stuff on life...and when i do soo it juz goes back to life...toO me...such things r juz the way they are meant to be..well thats that for sch...oOps i forgot abt DebaTes..the austral team juz got back not to long ago...AND Arif shaved his beard OFF...wooHoo he looks way younger and alot more handsoMe..hehez...like a hindi film star...kk i m not fabricating here k i m speaking the truth..ps nose not growing longer..
besides that lotsa other stuff that happened in there but too long to bLog..

Life---> basically i m becoming the old sunita back once again..the chirpy one...i realise that i have indeed become more vocal the past few daes...wonder y manz..maybe juz i m juz more happier..or is it due to the hormones??i have been like answering qns in McOT lessons till hasyer was like..."Sunita,u very noisy todae manz" to me i was like huhz? Maybe coz he has neber seen that side of me before?! well wen i was in yr1 i was super the goody two shoes kind...now more "terror" oready.yr2 whats...
Besides that nothing much...juz trying to make a new frend...reallie hope i do succeed...coz i sincerely wanna make frend with this person...this person soo to say as this special sumthing that makes me wanna get to noe more...hahaz rare connections?sumthings u do yet u aint sure why u are doing it?qns-ing yaself on whether it will turn out ritez..

well wish me luck...and yup me gtg now..will blog sooN enuf... =D

MoOD!!

2005-06-22T22:57:00.000-07:00

***********FiNaLLy**************

Well,well let me see...finally i have the mood to write an entry...well maybe because finally i got stuff to yack about ;)gee thats many of the word "finally" in juz one sentence.. ?_?

let me see...wat shalli yack abt first?actually its pretty easy..shall start wif the heart..GUess wat!!i finally start to feel crushes for real again!!wOoHoo thats a great achievement aft wat happened..shant yack abt the past..moving to the present..i have a crush on this guy..he's juz a high n bye frend i made wen i first entered poly..unfortunately at tt point of time he was in a relationship...so had no chance to get to noe him better as a frend...coz the gal wld be looking over him like an owl..hehez kidding...
well nowadaes havent seen him wif his gal...many occasions not even once wif the gal...so suspecting they aint together..k aint gonna bother that much..but however by knowing that...my heart sumwat starts to develop a crush on him..hes cute,goatie(my pre-condition),muscular(just rite) and that killer smile...unique tOO.. :) well aint sure how long the crush gonna last...will be able to break my longest record of 4 yrs?? well juz have to wait and see..Me waiting for a chance that i can have to get to know him better...not asking for anything though...maybe juz wanna be one friend richer?! true love forms over time...aint gonna gif a tok abt love...its complicated enuf...
ps:Fate mind helping me out here...u helped me once...u can carry out ya charm again...oh ya...but this time dun leave me a scarred heart ;)thanks...
okie i now thats lame but it doesnt hurt to ask...

****schOoL****

schS fun but also boring...aint sure why sumtimes i find it boring...i dun seem to feel the vibe of schooL..The spirit of it juz aint there...CLass...class is super fun :D hmmz newbies in there..a.k.a senthil,jairui and nissa..senthil cant technically be called a newbie coz i know him from debates..*sigh*...nissa juz to demure n quiet...Jai ruI hmmz he looks abit like a gal..no offense..nice bunch of ppl..Oh ya not forget my best buddies...hasyer,val n all..

okie i m beat tired now..wanna write abt the fun stuff of debates todae in this entry but i all drained out..so till next time...
ps:if there are grammatically and spelling errors plz forgive me..COZ i juz typed it once and tOO lazY to read n check it again ;)

*

why!?

2005-06-18T00:16:00.000-07:00

~QuEstiOns..~

Had a chat wif someone..And found out many many many interesting stuff abt someone..Din expect to find out that much in one single convo.N information provide sumwat makes me feel abit cheated yet abit relieved.."ActorS","LiArS" seem to fit alot into my life recently.Perhasps maybe i m too nice to be tOld the truth..But why cant they understand that lying itself is bad no matter be it if u gonna see it for a a good cause..Till today i am waiting for a truth that mite neber prevailed..but i think that one is juz enuf..I DUN need anymore..hahaz...well i guess that juz human nature..cant really do much abt it..

~TrUSt~
TrUSt!! a significant element in life that can neither be bought nor sold.Trust builds over time span wen we get to know that certain someone...and in the case of family ones..trust is auto-built..But that doesnt mean it cant be destroyed...Leaving the context of trust among immediate family members aside for wat i m gonna say now..
Came to realise again that no matter how well u noe that someone,trust among both parties aint alwayz full-prOoF..meaning to say that there are lOoP holes..was shocked that it happened to me..feel very pist wen i realise that abit of my secret or very well of it has been leaked out..No poInt brooding over it..coz wats done is done...i cant erase those words rite?
Lessons learned...neber reallie trust everyone??

SOmeThing CaLLed Life?

2005-06-15T22:49:00.000-07:00

Suddenly fallen in this song again
FInd the lyrics very meaningful..and can applied in my context..

hahaz wanna blog but juz tOO shagged...soo juz gonna leave u guys with the lyric to the song..

It seemed to be like the perfect thing for you & me.
It's so ironic you're what I had pictured you to be
But there are facts in our lives we can never change
Just tell me that you understand & you feel the same
This perfect romance that I've created in my mind
I'd live a thousand lives each one with you right by my side
But yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance
And so it seems like we'll never have the chance

Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny
And you can't move on even though you try
Ain't it strange when your feeling things you shouldn't feel
Oh , I wish this could be real
Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life
And you don't want to face what's wrong or right
Ain't it strange how fate can play a part in the story of your heart
Sometimes I think that a true love can never be
I just believe that somehow it wasn't meant for me
Life can be cruel in a way that I can't explain
And I don't think that I could face it all again
I barely know you but somehow I know what you're about
A deeper love I've found in you & I no longer doubt
You've touched my heart & it altered every plan
I've made And now I feel that I don't have to be afraid
Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny
And you can't moved on even though you try
Ain't it strange when your feeling things you shouldn't feel Oh ,
I wish this could be real
Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life
And you don't want to face what's wrong or right
Ain't it strange how fate can play a part in the story of your heart
I locked away my heart but you just set it free
Emotions I felt held me back from what my life should be
I pushed you far away & yet you stayed with me
I guess this means that you & me were meant to be
Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny
And you can't moved on even though you try
Ain't it strange when your feeling things you shouldn't feel Oh ,
I wish this could be real
Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life
And you don't want to face what's wrong or right
Ain't it strange how fate can play a part in the story of your heart
Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny
And you can't moved on even though you try
Ain't it strange when your feeling things you shouldn't feel Oh ,
I wish this could be real Ain't it funny how a momant could just change your life
And you don't want to face what's wrong or right
Ain't it strange how fate can play a part in the story of your heart
Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny
And you can't moved on even though you try
Ain't it strange when your feeling things you shouldn't feel Oh ,
I wish this could be real Ain't it funny how a momant could just change your life
And you don't want to face what's wrong or right
Ain't it strange how fate can play a part in the story of your heart

praying hard

2005-06-09T22:14:00.000-07:00

I am actually getting sick n tired of this..but aint able to let it all go till i have the f***king reason..sorry abt the language just kinda pist...hmmz accidently opened "the" folder in my hp today..and since i opened it i decided to read thru all the smses again..hahaz instead of feeling those loving feeling i used to get...Now all i feel is anger n sadness..the smses din show a slightly bit of an act...it was soo natural n true...aint gonna crap abt that...BUT seriously...PLS for juz this once.CAN I KNOW THE TRUTH FRM U?DUN U feel slightest bit guilty or slightest bit hurt...ITS not possible to do all u do it and say u din feel at all...if u were acting u wldnt be soo passionate like you were..PLZ JUZ this once...Lifes have been unfair to me...but at least let me know the reason for it being sOO...plz...with the reason i can seriously carry on full on with my life...and not alwayz having that small little part of me crying inside...hahaz...lolz...

ANYWAYz...my frigde went bust!!....haiz...NO COLD water..my companion every nite..NO Butter,no jam...haiz...makes me wanna cry...well i hope it gets fixed soon..plz.. hahaz...lolz everything ard me is going haywire..hahaz negative vibes frm me perhasp?
okie i m out now...till next time :D

heaRts

2005-06-07T23:05:00.000-07:00

*heArts*

As the title suggests..its gotta do something with the heart.well matters of the heart..
Been having strange dreams lately..almost everyday.and shldnt be dreaming abt that..wonder why i do tOO..the dreams somewhat eases my heart aches..but when i wake up frm the dream i m literally in tears..hahaz times when the heart yearns for something the mind doesnt consent to?

today i feel abit sad.hahaz its because someone said i was thin..not at the fact that i m thin..but the fact that even though ppl noe me,and noe that i m like that no matter how much i eat,still passed that remark.hmmz its not wrong to say wat u wanna say..but can ppl tell me something that i dun noe??PPL i noe i m not sized like a normal teenager..i m petite and i like the way i m..I EAT for godness sakes!!sometimes even more then u ppl..Why cant some of u out there face the fact that i have to privillege to eat all i want n not put on weight...
frankly speaking its starting to hurt me now wen ppl i noe say this kinda stuff...do i go ard saying "hey ur a fat manz" or "hey u put on some pounds since the last i saw ya?" I DUN DO THAT.I DONT SEE PPL DOING THAT..so why does it go to be done to the
hortizonally challenged ppl?

well it just hurts that even though i have no problems of being thin and that, its not a choice..ppl pass remarks soo easily as though i wanna be thin...common manz...try to be more nice...spare the thin ppl out there..
haiz...

BeiNg LovEd

2005-06-05T23:29:00.000-07:00

I actually got lotsa stuff to blog but juz aint in the mood,nevertheless i shall just try..

wOrk~Friday
I went back to work on friday n boy work was light on that day...=D...thanks to it being sch holiday i guess..anywayz now i can help student recite b4 the start doing their work..Hehez...And there was this boy that came to me for reading.Boy he was very mischevious..He tried to cheat me on timing for reading...He wld keep the stopwatch close to himself and take false reading,haiz..and when i tried to hold his hand so that he wont play wif the stopwatch he started playing wif my ring...I was like.."bOy dont play already...be good,read n then u can go home" LOlz...and he chose not to listen to me and continued being playful..BUT i managed to get him to read the passages.While trying to do so,he played not only with my ring but my fingernails..
haiz...cheeky little boy...and before leaving,he pretended to drop his eraser and tickled my foot.haiz...Lolz...funny manz.

Saturday i went to work too..just for a few hrs in the morning..Did normal stuff,marking and al..
and tOday another boy who was playful was under my charge for maths recitation..He was sp cute n playful..he was not looking at the worksheet while reciting but he was staring at my face..Lolz..and the best thing was that he turned angelic wen the instructor came n stand next to him..hehez..well at least he made my day..a smile early in the morning..

~Sunday
Went to places today..aint gonna blog details of where..but just gonna blog abt sumthing that happened at tekka.went to tekka...mom wanted to get prayer stuff n all..so while mom was shopping me and dad,juz stood outside of our car alongside the pavements.While waiting...my eyes caught glimpse of this guy,he was wif his mouth...and there was juz something abt his smile..we were both literally staring at each other for long..hahaz...i like his smile alot..but aft awhile i decided to stop..sumthing juz went aross my mind..but wen i turned again..i saw him stealing glances...lolz...nice smile manz...unfortunately no goatie...haiz...but well...gd sign at least i m having mini crushes... :D anywayz thats all for now...till the mood come again :D

A New MOntH~

2005-06-01T21:15:00.000-07:00

**YuppiEs**

Its finally a new month..A bright start so far..No sad feelings yet but feeling tired.SchOOl just began and i am trying to get into the schOOl routine and trying to adjust my biological clOck so that i wont feel soo shagged everytime i reach home from school.basically my modules are appealing to me.Lots of networkings..YuPpie...hahaz programming-->cher is kind enuf to explain in lay man terms for *BlurS* like me =D.. the light of projects coming in is getting brighter..gotta start loOking for grp members..well actually have a few already..made my verbal promises..

$$$ is literally flowing out of my wallet..*soBs* ma textbks cost like $30 plus..and so far i am supposed to get 3 bks in whOle...ie..abt $100..trying to source out for second hand bks frm my seniors..

*DebAtes*
hMmz i managed to view the finally product of debates video that we made..and..and..and..in the video i sounded like a squeeky mouse..hahaz but overall it was superb...get participation...ThumBs up to the sP debaters!!

AgiTated

2005-05-31T22:52:00.000-07:00

Out-Of-TunE

I feel soo out of tune this few days..Its like i get angered at practically lots of stuff the past week.Its like if you open your mouth and as the words start flowing out..and if i get pissed at what you are saying i will just literally start firing back at you..Hmmz anger management bad..Well most be coz of the raging hormones..and of ya i m a Libraian..So i guess the balance muz have tilted off side.Hahaz well thats that for now..Just learning how to control my lethal tongue for awhile now since i dont know how to use it at the appropriate time.

*ScH*
"YUppie SchOOls started" hmmz modules are interesting...Okay just that i have to freshen up sum of my past yr work..aint gonna blog the detailed stuff here.

Basically i am pissed at lots of stuff..Pised

deja' vu

2005-05-30T21:14:00.000-07:00

DeJa vu'

Just had one week of Debates..One week my life was to and fro to NTU..Mostly reaching home pass 12 midnight.and spending my whole day running up n down finding place to prep and then yack for 7 mins for each debates round.Kinda fun experience.Met many friends..FrOm malaysia,philipines and so on..Hahaz did anyone noe that monks can debate?there was a monk frm a thai university in the tournament.and yup he was in his orange robe.I seriously wished i had a chanced to see the monk debate.but unfortunately they din break..heard their team was very good and eloquent..sob sob..Hmmz ya..there was this guy in the tournament..was in the same team as the monk that lOOked a CARbOn cOPy of my ex.Hahaz those eyes,the chin and the smile but just that he was abit older.hahaz it was like a deja'vu..Most of the time i was stealing glances at him coz i cant believe the significant resemblance.Scary but yet heart warming la.thank god he didnt scream at me for somewhat staring at him.Common i was just staring innocently..cant be blamed ritez?seeing sumone soo alike.. :D
Oh ya..one of the nite wen i was walking down the stairs at 1am i slipped n fell on my bum!!!and it hurt like hell..was on the verge of tears :S..hahaz anywayz today was the first day of scH.nth much tHough..Oh ya..was walking along fC5 to sac..they were having cca fair n guessed what some of the cca promoters tot i was a yr1 student and offered me to browse their pamphalet..I FELt Soo embrassed..i just said i m in yR2 n sped off..hmmz they were like laughing..soo sad manz.

Okie..thats all for now :D

WisHing on a StaRz

offer by SMU

sona sona

love this song :D

i dont know much, but i know i love you

update

SilentWhisper

i hate me

sunita back in action)sounds lame) but.... shut up and read la

Purest of pain...

weee

stoopid

stoopid

h.k.v.d.e

wOahz

get lost

*_*

K.A.D.C

siCks

soO very Afaird

i lovehatez u

L.i.E

rattles

BingO

vanish

l.o.v.e

jiya dhadak

jiya dhadak

weak.$$.Love

grieving

not a girl, not yet a woman

stay

crazy?

again

hmmmz

bkehaz

anGel

-PoemS-

poems

Poems

*hatez*

**me!!**

*mY siCk LifE*

**woaHz**

missing you,not missing me

*loveLy dovey**

**HuManS**

**heLP me*

**classic BitCh**

*am i jinX??**

**birthday PartY**

**i really need you**

**birthdae**

float

**bOnKers**

hahaz faces of reality

dealing wif it..

hahaz

**gone**

*words*

*feelings*

**my outlook of life**

** coLLide **

***StaRs*****

I m FREAKING ouT

****EeEeeeKs****

blah blah blah

I hate Love...yet love Love

shitZ

Sarong Party Girl

hahaz life

HaTez

haiz

Defining myself

aaja piya..

back again?

MoOD!!

why!?

SOmeThing CaLLed Life?

*praying hard*

_

hatez

me!!

mY siCk LifE

woaHz

HuManS

classic BitCh

birthday PartY

i really need you

birthdae

bOnKers

gone

words

feelings

my outlook of life

coLLide

*StaRs***

EeEeeeKs

praying hard

heaRts