Wednesday, March 29, 2006 / 4:26 PM
WoooHoo i m back and guess what people i am sOO damn sick. i have been having this cough close to 2 weeks and i am indeed still living with it. Trust me this is the worst i have felt in many years. I cant catch a wink of sleep at night coz each time i lie down straight i end up coughing my lungs out, so i sit and sleep and gee i hate that manz. On top of it, i cant have the fan switched on cause it will just make things worst. So da scenario is : sitting and trying to sleep.coughing head off and sweating very much like a pig :( gee nice aye? well thats that. i really hope to get well soon coz i have lotsa stuff dangling and really have to step things up. Recently my friend has kinda make me start to wonder again.hahaz on whether shld i remain single OR.. i dunnoe manz. am i ready for all this. maybe i never was from the start. gee maybe i m a GranNY aye? i complain aLot huh...well find it kinda cute. where can u find an extremely cute and petite and lonely granny. oh gosh i cant believe i m praising myself.well thats beside the point. yup shld i even dare to fall in love again. Not gonna lie, but i do have feelings for someone not entirely love coz i dunnoe wat does love really mean but ya... unfortunately its not the right time and i dun wanna lose the friendship with the person. soo i guess i have to surpress it.. I am a cross road.hahaz din noe battling this kinda feelings were so hard to deal with. wonder how some people do it? wanna learn from the experts..anyone out there know the best way to deal with this? hmmz i guess i shall do what i have recently started mastering; that is ignore every possible stuff that makes me feel bad :S woOhoo...watta life.. u noe wat.. how i wished i had arms to fall into and to know that there is someone to whisper in my ear to tell me that everythings gonna be fine. i am feeling soo sick and that adds on to me feeling soo shitty too. hayah. guess i will never stop yacking ritez? hahaz sorry bLoggie :) but its nice pouring all out. wahaha
Monday, March 27, 2006 / 11:34 PM
i m indeed very afaird.afaird of something that i used to consider one that was close to my heart. And now i am soo afaird of it. Maybe i have been "blessed" to see the worst of it so much so i start to believe that any replica of it will equate to the worst form of it.i honestly swear that i aint sure whats going on. Whatever thats gonna happen, i really hope it will not lead me to be in the losing end again. thats one thing i have to ensure. coz boy i m sure pist and tired at the outcome that has been brought onto me for the past 2 years. maybe it was just me, being utterly naive; but then again i dun think any amount of naiveness can lead to the amount of exruciating pain i went thru battling the matters of the most vital organ in a human.i said and promised myself that i will never venture into that arena again, but my promise i guess as failed me again this time round. i dont know whats soo strong in it that no matter how one being tries to avoid it, it will slowly being able to manipulate itself into ones life and make it seem that it aint that bad after all. as for now, all i can say is. time will tell. damn i seriously hate that phrase to the max. it sounds soo pathetic that all u can do is leave it to time. but as pathetic as it seems, that seems like the best sought alternative i have. i dun have a choice dun i?till then, praying hard i will get well soon tOO..till then NItez..
Friday, March 24, 2006 / 5:12 PM
oh gosh.i didnt expected the feelings to come back once again. i thought,well i really did thought that i could erase it all. But guess what, a song that played on the radio, brought everything back to life again. my dil goes mmm. indeed my dil is going mmm now. as i sit down n think abt what i did in the past, steps i took, actions that i played i realise i was actually very naive so to say. i often ask myself, why did i ever did what i did. why was i soo selfish, why was i the way i was?maybe the saying is true. you never really learn till you make a mistake? hahaz very true aye?
now my heart aches and as the melody of that song we loved plays in my head i wonder why did it all go awayz. was it a wrong move or is it the reason just solely the reason stated. call it being innocent, call it being obsolutely naive, but why cant i really let go of everything. why do i still yearn for u, wen u are miles apart, wen i m not even in ur agenda. well life as its own mysteries, guess i m in it now. few years down the road, if i were to ever read this blog again, i mite look and say, how naive and innocent i was, or maybe i would be proud that i ever felt this way. there is so much i have inside that i wanna let you know.but like what every normal person mite say back at me. what if he doesnt feel that way, what if he doesnt care one bit. you know what people, i dun actually give a damn, coz whats happening to me, is an effect of what two people did once. well but just like everyone else,my lips have to remain sealed and pray hard that actions will speak louder than words.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006 / 9:15 AM
the biggest lie in the whole world is the phrase "i LOve U". all might be thinking why this little blogger soo shallow in her definitition and thoughts abt love. well cause thats all i have seen about love so far. now let me explain why this phrase is to be classified as the biggest LIE in the world. Firstly how many people out there do say "I love U" and really mean it from nothing at all. Nothing behind those 3 words... no forms of hidden agenda no what-so-ever need to be achieved from it? Don't you realise that the "i Love you" people are doing some kinda experiment.Somewhat like a cause/effect idea. Say I love you, and waIT.... SEe if you hear it back! Likened to a dog's response.."I love u,tOO...something almost ensured.. Love: the idea of love itself has entirely been mistaken. Like everything else on this earth has evolved and changed; so has LOve in its course too. Take a look at what lOve means; 99% in today's context. Stop and ponder> Who are those people that say I LOve you to You? are they the ones that need yoU? need you for an agenda. You may very well see what the need is almost instantly or maybe u will only be able to see it years down the road... And then you might start to question, why are those who are aware that they are loved coz of that need still remain in that "love". Simple answer: thats just human reaction, human basic satisfication. being constantly in love. Well i not denying the fact that maybe from this need that arouses, true love can be inevitable formed. BUt its just why does one have to base on that need to spark of love? People have been constantly using the phrase almost too often that even in break-ups u get to hear it. Damn how much pathetic can we get?Give u a classic scenario: i dont think we can be together anymore. i dun think we shld remain as Bf and Gf. Blah Blah Blah...fill in urself(guess everyones out there has heard of this typical dialogue somewhere or another) and guess what. At the end of the conversation. He/She will throw out the magic card. TaDa,, "But i love you still. and dun u ever forget that". Its being used so much so that its somehow being manipulated to become the solution to make someone feel better? --> oh he/she still loves me; fLoats up to cloud No 9 and forgets that he/she just got dump. Humans Humans.i may seem Hilter to lOve. But dont get me wrong. i am not saying true love aint existence nor am i saying that all forms of love is fake and everyone falls in love with a hidden agenda. its just how i feel and tot i cld pen it down. maybe love's made me this way. maybe love mite be the one that will change me in future. no one noes.
Sunday, March 19, 2006 / 10:36 PM
i really find that my life holds nothing great seemingly. yesh i do, do well in schOOl.BUT the catch is, i can only do well with ALOT of hardwork. nothing seems to come my way with great ease. i m not complaning that i hate doing hardwork or putting in much effort, its just that sometimes i feel, i too need a break. on top of all that i feel that i aint really much supported by anyone ard me. i start to realise some people are close to me not cause they care but cause i am of a great benefit to them?
not only that my love life sucks.i think i having been missing this gundu, till i dont have the energy to miss anymore. slowly i feel that i can no longer hold on to the rope,coz its slipping awayz.hahaz sunita finally realising the fact that nothings fer real. i think tis time round my heart as finally learnt its lesson. that no one is willing enuf to keep it well. soo dun bother trying to even let anyone do so ever again. now i wish that everything can be erased awayz. i have no one that understands wat i truly feel, i guess this blog is the only on that willing to container my emotions and thoughts, unfortunately just like life is forever unfair, this container can never response back. i need someone that care. i need frends that i true. i need me to be able to not be naive and go thru another misplaced heart. i need all these yet, these will all never ever be with me. i m so lost. and confused. i need a break. i need for once to be cared for real and not fer anything else.
wen will i be like anyone else. react the NORmaL way to certain situations. feel the way everyone else feels wen things happen. why am i different? and is this difference making things hard for me. i dunnoe. i seriously dunnoe. i have just bruised myself literally and the scars are all so bad. hmmz wonder why did i ever had to inflict pain on myself to rid of anger? hmmz now wat? no skirt fer the time being i guess. how lame manz.
this holiday isnt as great as i expected it to be. all my frends are on ITP. hmmz majority of them i too bz to spent time with me. soo i just simply slack at home attempting amaths question. kinda in a fix now. Desperately need amaths fer my uni but the person thats helping me can only help me till april. and i dun reallie have a back up.gee. i am in deep shit as i have alwayz been in.
currently in need for a carer.if there is even such a word. i just need some genuine care. cOz i m utterly sick fer caring fer others and not being given sub-minimal care of any sort back? why is my life this way? well maybe i made it such.
i noe some people that read my entry, mite think i wine to much. i m like an old hag.hahaz sorry but i just cant help it. i have no one to spurt all these nonsense to,so here's the best avenue i cld find. so leave with it and bear with me. not happy and find that its utter rubbish and crap and that i m over creating a dramatic sadist life approach then DUn bother reading :)
yesh yesh i noe, there are lotsa people out there with greater problems. Yup that i dun deny, infact i salute them fer being able to solve their problems. As for me, these problems are already pressing enuf, but sometimes i wonder. are these problems really problems to being with. well i shall ponder and ponder. and on top of it worry tOO..coz someone hasnt switched on his phone. wonder what happened. since last nite. well lets just wait and c.
Oh ya. i miss u alot. but i come to realise that maybe there nothing left at all. i will carry on caring but i guess maybe this is wat its all meant to be.hahaz since wen was life ever fair to me. well just hOpe and wish that the next time round, i wont be thrown into the basket labelled "unlucky" wen love angel strikes again. just a tiny little wish. hahaz but then again.WhO ever listens to all these wishes? hahaz Life...not blaming you.but just applauding at the wonders of it.
:)
Congratulations.BinGo..indeed your life has lOtsa spice in it.Bravo and Look how far you have made it.
wat the hell does my life think it is manz. a game that's full of villian, full of pain,full of sorrow. NO sweet endings not beginings, i cant even be spared for a sweet middle ground in the game. its all hatred, pain,sorrow and watever gotta do will evil n gore. today my hp got confisicated. REASON being. i wasnt a very gd daughter. gee, the way i got punished was i was some kinda bad gal. well respect my parents for wanting to disclipine me, so i shall not complain.
BUT me getting angry in the crse of it, and me having the habit of inflicting pain wen anger surge up to my brain as landed me two thighs FULL of scratches and SCAR!!
this i got to have an entry about. today the first time in ancient history of sunita's love agenda that i m feeling care-less abt the situation that i m feeling now. guess wat i dun give a damn whats gonna to happen. if it happens WOoHOo i m going be a normal gal. if it doesnt than thats just me, with sub minimal human satisifaction i guess. i CaNt believe that i have lost the craving to crave. i lost the will to care just for now. maybe a light mite shine on me to enlight me to start again. its not that i lost everything or chose to throw everything awayz, its just that i need a break. JUSt like ........................ gD news..well it mite sound rather lame, but i managed to solve many of the maths sums.hehez damn happy yet angered at myself on how careless i can get. gee imagine i went to ask him the reason why i cldnt solve..hahaz and then he spot the stoopid careless mistake..how dumb wld i look ritez..anywayz gonna work hard on maths..i wanna get the crse degree in psy..please oh please i soo wanna get into that crse...hehez sounding extrememly pagal.yesh because.. i dunnoe why i m like that..why is sunita soo crazy?? hmmz still pondering..anywayz i think i shoo of to bed now. no buzzing fer today. soo yupz..nitey nitez and see ya pretty soon :)
Friday, March 17, 2006 / 5:32 PM
i cant believe i m blogging again. well coz maybe i am just utterly bored. gee. the weather is sOo wonderful aint it. the hot sun blazing itself. DAMN its HOT...i hate this weather. but then watta do..thats life. u cant necessary have wat u want.well as sweat trickles down my back i shall post another entry.
anywayz lets move on to today's entry.going to touch on the same old crapz. love. i dunnoe. the word is soo short.. a 4 letter word.hmmz okie that mite have set ur mind thinking abt the word fucK.but i was referring to love.
i have got lotsa questions abt that simple 4 letter word.
1) ITS just 4 letters LONG..but the excrucating pain and exhilarating happiness it gives us is much more far fetched.why.
2) why do we have to fall in love? why cant we just have a pre-set mate given to us. no longer have the need to hook in gals and guys? simple n easy and no heart breaks
3) why do our heart long,wen the other half part? come to think abt it. we lived without them utterly fine b4 they came into out lives?why?
4) why am i soo ill-chanced in love? why do i yearn fer him so much and yet all i can do is yearn?
5) why did i get cheated and blinded by love the first time i went into it ?
6) why cant we humans be brave enuf to show how we feel directly and not keep on thinking abt the ill-effects if emotions were shown out right?
7) why do ppl have a change of heart?why do ppl cheat.
8) and why is someone loves,he/she loves with all their heart even if the love aint returned?
9) why and how can ppl fake relationships?
10) and lastly why aint my love life simple. why can i just be OUT or IN love and NOT in between in??
10 questions posted.anyone care to answer? well as fer qnd no 6.let me be brave enuf. I miss u hell lot. hmmz i want u. but u just simply aint ready. i noe inside of me, u mite maybe neber come back. but ur eyes i seek, u smile i steal and u i shall keep in my heart till time tells me to kick? hmmz whoever u are,u noe who i mean. i doubt u even read my blog. but i m daring enuf to post it up.
anywayz the sweats getting to me.i will be back
Thursday, March 16, 2006 / 9:13 AM
you know have ironic it is. i have a extremely large mouth and huge circle of friends. but guess wat i dun have any one friend in particular that truly understaNds how i feel. and that really sucks. on top of which my cliche of friends that i often hang around with are all guys. i have limited gal friends. yeah i mean it LIMITED..hmmz sounds soo much like limited edition, but thats besides the point. i think i can count with less that a hand to show how many girl friends i have. thats sad aint it. somewat yeah. but its not that i cant make friends with girls or have a problem doing so. its just that i find that girls and i have a whole lot of completely different mindset. Scenario : MAJORITY OF Girls on a fieldtripGirls walking and stumble upon a mud patch: immediate reaction... EWWWWWwww lets get out of here. i aint walking thru this. my shoes will get dirty. my pants mite get dirty. eww eww eww. classic reaction.Scenario : MAJORITY of GirLS out shoppingwalking down the street. ouch its soOo hot..the sun is too hot..it will burn my sick. i mite get darker. oh god oh god. i gonna die of cancer. (abit drama mama here)but thats just basically wat i mean. fer me..i dun care if i got to walk in the sun. i just do.sun is nature and its part of us. just walk. der. mud patch scenario.. i think i will happily sink into it. firstly its fun,secondly its just a mud patch.it doesnt bite nor kill. soo thats my mentality. aint gonna boost of say that i m like a guy or wat. i do have female instincts in me. but its just i aint that petty. besides me having alot of guy friends. i am having alot of stOOpid unwanted problems. I m soo much in the state of just letting go of ALL. i mean it. i cant take it anymore.Wtf la. hmmz i love and dun get love. fish fish.how long more? hello hello.. angels of love. i want my angel back. u get it??!! this is damn irritating u noe. dun u have any other souls to pick upon besides me?? i M TIRED. get it TIRED..its either i m in love OR out. i dun want to be in between.UNDERSTOOD? hmmz sorrie i m being abit to harsh here.but seriously la.tiring u noe. and not forgetting heart-aching. i yearn fer u. i want u..but then i dunoe wat u seek? not forgetting anything else. he forgot.how sad manz..anywayz i gtg now. my minds bugging me soo much... i feel sick. i m sick
Sunday, March 12, 2006 / 10:14 PM
bored.boredom.tired.slpy.crazy. am i feeling al this at once.gd news first.. i got silver in the english oratory competition.gee i never even though i would get anything out of it. but managed to bag the silver award. damn elated. secondly bad stuff.He apparently forgot certain stuff. damn sad.but thats life.thirdly my heart is still giving me mixed reactions.why oh why. was walking down the esplanade in the wee hrs of today morning. with my parents that is. now reallie wondering when it be wen i m walking down the esplanade with him? sunita sunita sunita. how much stubborn can u get? how much resistance can u be? how much oblivion can u get? hmmz this questions still linger me. i think i shall stop here.my heads too cramp to let me continue. till then still missing,
Wednesday, March 08, 2006 / 7:48 PM
free hours, free time equates to a mind running free. i cant put a stop to my ever ready running mind for now. remember that i shut my entire emotions and feelings during my examz? now guess what, they are slowly making their sweet way out. okie i got to agree that my life aint pathetic as it b4 but heck its still aint peaceful as i want it to be.
no doubt i aint bothered much by anything, but i just hope the missing feeling doesnt get to hard on me. i dun mind the feeling but sometimes,it makes me burst into tears when words of promise start ringing in my head. or running thru my head.
guess i have gotta live wif it ritez? hmmz who ever u are thats making me having this missing feelings. wishing hard, it all comes back. well thats just well wishing aint it. LIKE AS THOUGH anything, anyone, or any species will listen and grant my wish. my oh my.
hmmz okie i m getting dead bored now..gonna mamam and see wat i can do laterz. :)
Tuesday, March 07, 2006 / 2:12 AM
just watched the movie Just like heaven. rented the DVD. and boy the movie sure was like heaven. well maybe because i often have the soft spot for romantic movie. Aint gonna blabber on what the movie is about but just got a little tiny wish. aint gonna write the wish down, coz soo far whatever wishes i have pen down never seem to come through at all. soo just keeping my fingers cross on this one. :)
i dunnoe how many times i m going to say this. but i seriously feel fucked up. i feel incomplete.no no aint toking abt the other half incomplete. its just that i find myself soo not me. soo not right. i find myself being a machine. following a bloody routine that was somewhat being programmed into me and just feeling the way i m programmed too. how ironic
Monday, March 06, 2006 / 9:05 AM
as per usual, i am supposed to be doing something else way important but i came to realise blogging was way more easier alternative that didnt kill brain cells all that much. let me see what interesting facts in my life have changed for the moment? *scratches head..
well i guessed i have become more weaker than before. maybe because the sole fact that my body kinda tuned itself off in the light of holidays, but seriously i need to get out of the sleeping spells and weak self of mine. it draining me off alot of stuff, like i need to cuddle up in bed by like 10 plus. and thats considered way earlier than my usual bed time wen i was having schOOl.maybe just maybe my body needs time to recuperate?
besides my body feeling weak, my little fragile heart. no wait do i still have a full heart? okie okie. now my little fragile somewhat whole heart is playing little irritating tricks on me. yesh it is. u noe it turned on the miss-o-meter to the max. hahaz how convienient of it taking steps without asking my permission. like the word suggest.. miss-o-meter. wat can u expect ritez. self explainatory. haiz, like everyone would love to say it. what the hell are u doing sunita? but then thats my life and my heart people.i am gonna love and miss till...eerrm... till...thats all fer me to know!
being blogged down by the environment fund competition. i cant take it. i need a rest. i need a break. OH YA... guess wat. i m officially declared BROKE fer this holidays. guess wat i only have 30 bucks. aint lying to survive thru it. damn i dunnoe wats going on. that mean... NO MOVIES,NO OUTINGS, NO NOTHING!!...gosh that sounds sick!
Friday, March 03, 2006 / 10:47 PM
today.3 mar. the end of my semestral examz. the end of my second year in poly. imagine that. two years of my life spent in poly. the amount of sweat i sweat out. the amount of hours i spent dwelling and rushing on projects. the times i cracked up in school. and the time i spent with my dear frends val,hasyer,senthil and all. sure thing that time passes damn fast. Its the holidays now. finally i can dig out moments n bits and pieces of my life that came to standstill due to examz.Oh god.dealing with them will be a hassel dun u think? fixing a broken heart. fixing a bulging stomach.fixing a flawed face ful of pimples and marks and not forgetting doing things that i alwayz wanted to do. I am going to make this holiday one that is resourceful and one that will recuperate myself to a fully mobile sunita once again. one that is no longer in pain or in sorrow. gee sounds like some kinda stupid motto.nevertheless it makes sense for me.as i m typing here, i feel a surge of longness.theres something that i long for, and yet i noe i mite neber be able to get it forever or maybe i mite someday. why does the human soul miss, why does it long. what is the need to miss and long? we came down on earth as one lone soul, then why do we start to develop feelings and start missing another? is that what we were destined to do? to love and miss? to love and cry? and eventually to love and love? something i shall wait for time to teach me? like how it has been doing to me? well time will definitely tell ahz. meantime i shall just try to chill.be frendly and live life as much as i can enjoy it to be..hmmz besides that i have lotsa stuff on my hands now. FIrstly i soo desperately wanna get a TAN!!i dunnoe why, suddenly i find that getting tan seems cOolz. i want a nice tan though i have no idea on how to go about getting it : sadz.. besides that i gotta train fer debates hard. i want to go for australs. coz i wanna get A for my cca and on top of it increase my experience. next i have this environmental competition going on. gee and we had one free rider but he got kicked off the wagon. soo that equates to us having more freaking work to do. COmmon i just ended my examz. i have been studying 3 weeks straight like an ass and now i got to prep fer this competition.: tired! well looking forward to 16 march. a trip too see my favourite. to see mickey mouse and the entire disney family..woOhoo, gonna be a child again.. no wait, i have alwayz been a child:bLurz... just keeping my fingers cross that the person i am suppose to be going with still goes with me.. yupz. anywayz this is all that i have fer now. feeling damn tired. and just wanna go n cuddle into a bOOk. gee thats a first fer a lOng period of time. and maybe juz snooze awayz dreaming about u.dreaming abt me. till then bUaiz
Like An Angel
Sunita- lil princess. craves to be happy and successful.complexed.lovable.
"i dont know much,but i know i love you, and that will be all there is to know"BR>
Look at the stars, and not the reflection of the moon.
